Janus
by Mara Greengrass
Summary: When a transporter accident splits Hoshi into two nearly-identical individuals, the two Hoshis must make a series of difficult decisions. (Round Robin: T/S, R/S)
1. Chapter One

Title: RR: Janus  
Author: jyorakku, Mara, essential phenylalanine, Josephine, Lizard, Chrysa  
E-Mail: For contact info, look under the posting forum at http://judy.jteers.net/cgi-bin/cutecast/cutecast.pl?forum=10&thread=512.  
Rating: PG-13  
Category: Romance  
Codes: T/S, R/S  
Summary: Round robin in the Others/Sato forum. When a transporter accident splits Hoshi into two nearly-identical individuals, the two Hoshis must make a series of difficult decisions.  
Disclaimer: Star Trek and Enterprise are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures. No infringement is intended.  
Notes: This is a round robin started in the Others and Sato Forum (http://judy.jteers.net/cgi-bin/cutecast/cutecast.pl?forum=10) of the Linguistics Database (http://judy.jteers.net/lingdata/). There are multiple authors involved, please seek permission from all before archiving. Format by jyorraku, beta by Mara.

Posted By  


jyorraku

"Hoshi! Hoshi! Are you there?"

Ensign Hoshi Sato jerked her right shoulder inward, further diminishing her slight form and aggravating the burning wound on her back. But she was relatively sure it took several microseconds off the time it took to unzip the pocket on her right arm. Within the pouch was the disembodied voice of her commanding officer, Captain Jonathan Archer. The small silver communicator felt cool in her sweat-grimed hands. She gripped it extra tight before pressing on the tiny catch, and flipping the cover open. The gadget chirped perfunctorily before his voice rose from it again.

"Hoshi? Can you read me?" The sophisticated instrument conveyed without pause the urgency in his words. And when she would answer, she could almost count on him telling her not to panic in his best reassuring tone, having forgotten she had already heard his own trepidation from his hail. But these were special circumstances, and she could ignore the hypocrisy for the moment.

Hoshi's mouth was dry, more so as she panted heavily to catch her breath. She made an attempt to swallow, but found her throat so tight she nearly gagged. Her head pounded heavily against the narrow confines of her skull, her body protesting without the necessity of words. All those sparring sessions and workout days on Enterprise did not prepare her for this. If she had the time to listen closely, she could probably hear her bones rattle with each inhalation, she lamented. As luck would have it, the gunfire and explosions from over yonder prevented her from further introspection on her sorry state.

Another explosion rocked the ground beneath her boots. She told herself the haze in front of her eyes was just dust. Holding the communicator a little too close, she spoke.

"Captain...I'm here. I had to take another route to avoid the Veninian patrols. How...how much further until I'm in transporter range?" She honestly hoped she sounded calm and...unpanicky--worthy of the Starfleet uniform she wore.

"There should be some sort of building directly ahead of you, to the north. The scrambling perimeter ends there." A pause. "There're two patrols heading toward your direction. So-"

"Hurry. Yes, you don't have to tell me twice!" Ignoring the languid burn in her leg muscles, she pushed ahead. The building grew agonizingly closer. She felt as if she was running in slow motion, taking one step forward and two steps back. 

"Ika!" She heard the Veninian voice call out. A patroller. He was telling her to stop and surrender, that particular word having the connotation of dying quickly if you don't obey, dying slowly if you do.

The perimeter was five feet away. Another five steps and she would have been home safe. Well, maybe not totally safe. God knew if the transporter was going to cooperate or if it was going to spit her back out in pieces. No, must think nice thoughts. Good thoughts!

"Ika laneng kanark." Ah, a connotation no longer. Now he was promising death either way.

__

What do I do?

Shit. I say we run for it.

No! Are you crazy? What good will the transporter do us if we're dead?

What good will the transporter do us if we're captured, subsequently tortured, and then killed, huh? 

__

That--that's a good point actually. Now if I can actually get our feet to move.

Oh, that's easy. Hoshi's mind was suddenly flooded with images of blood and mangled flesh.

She leapt for the perimeter, vaguely registering the high whine of a particle weapon behind her as her world went black.

* * * * * 

"I've got her! I think--" Trip stopped short of the darkened platform. "Hoshi?"

There was a grunt, followed by a delicate whimper. "Yeah--Yes?"

Trip blinked several times, whilst shaking his head. His eyes and ears were telling him something that was impossible. He approached the step and leaned down, supporting himself on his knees as he placed both of his hands hesitantly on Hoshi's slim shoulders. His touch confirmed it, he dug his fingers in just to be sure his senses weren't lying. But however bizarre reality was, he could feel its impression sinking into skin of his palms, firing through the cobweb of synapses as it drilled into his befuddled brain.

"Oh hell," Trip muttered as his thoughts splintered into a million different directions, none of them leading to particularly good destinations. He paused, continuing to be dumbfounded by the scene before him, and added as an afterthought, "Oh shit."

"What's wrong?" asked a small chorus of two women. They froze upon hearing the other's voice, feeling the thin hairs at the back of their necks rise at that all-too-familiar tone. Slowly, with a foreboding that chilled into their bones, the two women turned toward each other. 

Without the benefit of a reflection, Hoshi Sato saw into her own eyes...and fainted into Trip's arms...stood there watching herself fall into Trip's arms.

Hoshi rolled her eyes. "Well, as far as swoons go, I'd give that a 10." She crossed her arms as she glared at her prone form. "Perfect."

* * * * * 

Mara

Jon stood just inside the door to Sickbay and tried to decide whether he wanted to laugh or cry. The scene was rather theatre of the absurd, after all.

Two occupied biobeds, two hovering men. Well, actually there were 10 or 12 people milling around, waving scanners, and getting in Phlox's way, but only two that stayed in one place.

Not to mention the two Hoshi Satos. 

Jon shook his head in wonder and took a moment, before anybody noticed his presence, to just look. There they were: two figures that looked exactly like Enterprise's comm officer. And sounded like her, too. Well, at least the one on his left did as far as Jon could tell through the din in Sickbay.

He could hear snatches of her speech. "Malcolm, I'm fine. Stop fussing. The doctor has treated me and I'm..." She stopped, propped herself up on the bed and shouted, "Quiet!"

Dead silence as everyone in the room turned in shock to look at her. Even Trip, hovering over the other Hoshi, looked up. The two women glanced at each other, the second saying, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Jon decided this was his cue to be useful and he stepped into the middle of the room. "Okay, everyone, let's clear this space so the doctor has some space to work. Everybody out."

The various scientists who had been scanning the two women grumbled, but marched out past the stern captain. When he looked back, everyone had left except for Trip and Malcolm. The two men stood in almost identical stubborn poses, each by the bedside of one Hoshi, hands crossed over their chest, legs braced for impact. Jon debated the merits of trying to get rid of them as well, and decided it wasn't worth it. He waved his hand. "Fine, you can stay, but get in the way and the doctor can kick you out, too."

The Hoshi on his left, still propped up on her elbows, pursed her lips. "What now?"

"Now, I finish my medical check-up," Phlox said.

"You mean, check that I'm really Hoshi," she said.

"I don't know who you are, but I know that **I'm** Hoshi," said the one on the right. Trip patted her arm and she smiled up at him.

The Hoshi on the left rolled her eyes. "Just get on with it."

* * * * *

Time passed.

Phlox puttered about, mumbling to himself. The two Hoshis rested on the biobeds, stealing occasional glances at each other. Malcolm and Trip hovered. Jon waited, forcibly restraining himself from tapping his fingers on a hard surface.

Finally, Phlox turned and everyone held their breath.

"I am not certain this answer is going to please anyone," he said, "but every test I have run comes to the same conclusion. You are both Ensign Sato."

"What?" "You're kiddin' me!" "How can that be?" "No way, I don't faint like that!"

"Quiet!" Jon shouted. He waited for a full five seconds of silence. "Continue, Doctor."

Phlox nodded gravely. "Your DNA is identical, your cells show the same degree of aging, and you arrived with the same recently-inflicted injuries. There are some slight differences in your brain patterns, but both of you are well within the normal range of previous scans of Ensign Sato. As far as I can tell from my limited testing, you have the same memories. You are both Ensign Sato."

The two Hoshis stared at each other, somewhere between shock and horror. Jon leaned against the nearest bulkhead and wondered where in the rulebook it told him what to do if one of his bridge officers got split into two people.

essential phenylalanine

* * * * *

It was nearly 2200 hours when Doctor Phlox began to slowly tidy up and shut non-essential systems down for the night. He moved around the room, closing a cupboard here, feeding an experiment there, monitoring the two Hoshi Satos that lay opposite each other in his Sickbay--watching the two men that stayed with her.

The captain had been in an hour ago, while both women slept. He had tried to convince Trip and Malcolm to go to bed, to persuade them that both Hoshis would be fine and that they could come back and visit in the morning. However, both had decided against sleep in order to remain with the Hoshis. He then told them that there would be a senior staff meeting at 0800, and that they were to be there, regardless of anything, before he bade them all goodnight. 

Doctor Phlox peered at Malcolm through a mesh partition. Malcolm was studying a padd with the transporter readings on it, his one hand grasping the gray metal. In the subdued light of the Sickbay, to help simulate night and entice sleep, the blue glow of the screen lit up Malcolm's face, and cast a paler blue light over his Hoshi and her white bed. Every few moments, he would lower the padd and look at Hoshi. Sometimes he would glance over to the other Hoshi and to Trip, and then go back to his work. 

Mr. Tucker was not so different in his vigil. He too studied a padd with the transporter readings on it. The two men, forming a partnership earlier, had argued over the cause of the accident, and as a result had decided to work apart, forming their own theories. The argument had been a product of guilt and concern, Phlox had privately concluded. 

Phlox turned his mind back to work. He called up the readings that he had taken some hours earlier. There would need to be a psychological evaluation tomorrow, before they were released to some form of accommodation. There was already evidence of subtle differences between the two Hoshis, but to what extent was unknown. Neither had Phlox discovered anything biological that had aided in the split. It was a medical mystery, but one that he would enjoy solving. He smiled to himself, and switched off the computer. He busied himself with more menial tasks, walking over to the other side of the Sickbay, to replace four sterilized test tubes in their racks. His Denobulan Namis Rat was silently building its nest in the corner of the glass case. A small Terran spider was spinning its web between two branches of a synthesized bush. The doctor glanced around his Sickbay, and seeing that there was nothing left out of place and that all his animals were fed and watered, tended to his last job. 

On the side lay two data padds with all information on the two Hoshis. He intended to give the information to both Trip and Malcolm. Phlox glanced over to Trip, and then to Malcolm. It seemed as if both officers had attached themselves to a Hoshi; Trip to the quieter, less sure ensign, and Malcolm to a more confident and outgoing Hoshi. Neither was about to leave the Sickbay, Phlox knew. 

Calmly, he moved to Malcolm's side, and gave him the data padd. 

"This contains all information I've gathered on the patients, in case it helps in any way in your investigation," he told Malcolm. 

Trip heard. "Hey Doc, have you got one of those for me?" he asked. 

Malcolm took the padd in his right hand, and gave the doctor a small smile of gratitude. Phlox moved to Trip and handed him the other padd. 

"Thanks Doc," Trip said, putting his first padd down. He paused. "She's gonna be okay, isn't she Doc?" Trip asked. 

"Both patients will be fine for the moment," Phlox said to both Malcolm and Trip. "You may use the biobeds for your convenience, provided you remove your boots. Goodnight Commander, Lieutenant." 

Malcolm smiled, and Trip offered a "Thanks, Doc." 

As Phlox left the Sickbay, he pondered. He wondered what he could do about the two female patients, seemingly identical, to put them back together. If they wanted to be put back into one, that is. He wondered what the captain would do. Would he rely on his, the doctor's judgement, or on his own, personal opinion? He wondered what it would mean if Hoshi remained in two separate bodies. But most of all, he wondered what it meant to have the Malcolm holding Hoshi's hand, and to have Trip holding the other Hoshi's hand.

jyorraku

Malcolm stared at the small fingers in his hand. He didn't know how it happened. The other Hoshi had grabbed Trip's hand when the chaos in Sickbay erupted with the news that Hoshi had came back as two people. Anyone that fancied themselves scientists had come to see her. Distress was clear on her ashen face and she had gripped Trip's hand like a lifeline.

The Hoshi, the one whose fingers were currently in his hand, had stoically accepted all the scans and questions aimed at her. But he saw her glance surreptitiously at the hand that Trip held. She clenched her fists tightly at her side. It was then that he realized she was as distressed by this situation as her counterpart was, only she wasn't showing it.

"Hoshi," he said, pausing a second before opening her fist and taking her hand in his. "It'll be okay."

Startled, Hoshi stared at their joined hands for a brief moment before looking up to flash him a quick smile. 

So he held her hand in his all through the night. He couldn't remember the last time he'd done that for anyone, not even his numerous ex-girlfriends.

He looked across the bed and saw Trip hovering over the other Hoshi, who was tossing in her sleep.

"I think she's havin' a nightmare," Trip called out to him before wiping off the beads of sweat on her forehead. "Shhh, Hoshi, it's okay."

"Hey, you."

Malcolm turned to the Hoshi at his side. She was awake, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 

Both of them jerked their head toward a loud gasp.

"Hoshi! It's okay, it was just a nightmare!" Trip soothed, as he embraced her and ran a comforting hand through her hair. Hoshi's eyes grew wide as she registered her doppelganger at the next bed. "No...it's real," she whispered.

Malcolm saw the Hoshi at his side frown at the other one. She slowly took her hand back from him, and sat up, her back straight: a defensive position.

Doctor Phlox chose this time to enter Sickbay. "Good morning. How are my patients today?" he queried cheerfully.

"Same as yesterday," Hoshi muttered.

"Now, Ensign Sato..."

The two Hoshis looked up at Doctor Phlox's words. Doctor Phlox blinked at the double dose of attention.

"Hmm. Perhaps the first thing we should do is have some sort of nomenclature to distinguish between the both of you. Any particular suggestions?"

"We could always name you Number One and Number Two," Trip piped up jokingly.

Hoshi glanced sideways at him before leaning over and whispering teasingly, "And which one of us do you think should be Number One?"

"Err." Trip looked to the Hoshi at his side for help. She peered up at him, her eyes glittering with quiet amusement. No help there.

"Well?" Hoshi demanded, her arms crossed, the teasing demeanor gone.

Trip felt a tug on his sleeve. Hoshi glanced at her semi-belligerent half before smiled mysteriously up at him. "You can call me Hoshi-chan," she said, soft enough that Trip felt she was only talking to him.

"Okay," Trip found himself saying, mesmerized. Hoshi-chan laughed into her hand, wondering if Trip knew how much he looked like a dear caught in headlights.

Malcolm leaned in close the Hoshi next to him. "What does chan mean?" he asked quietly. 

Hoshi smirked and shook her head. "It's a suffix used on a female name to denote familiarity." It somehow figured the quiet one would take a liking to the man who carried her the whole way to Sickbay.

"Ahem. I'm afraid you gentleman will have to leave my patients to me."

Trip opened his mouth to argue. He was the at the transporter controls when the accident happened, he felt responsible and he was not leaving either of them--

"Commander Tucker. I assure you, you'll have all the information that you need at the staff meeting in 30 minutes. Right now both of you will have to leave. I believe some of the questions I intend to ask Hoshi and Hoshi-chan are of a delicate nature."

Trip reddened. "Oh all right, let's go, Malcolm."

Josephine

"Well." Fifteen minutes later, Phlox bustled about, putting his instruments away. "I think I have all the information I need. Ah, Captain, just in time." He smiled as Jon came through the doors. 

"Phlox, Hoshi, Hoshi-chan. Are you through? I'd like to speak with the ensigns."

"Yes, I'm done." Nodding at the women, Phlox left the room to start translating the data he gathered. 

"How are you feeling?" Jon looked from Hoshi to Hoshi-chan. Hoshi spoke first.

"Fine."

He turned to Hoshi-chan.

"A bit...overwhelmed, Captain."

Nodding, Jon continued. "We're working on what caused this, but have you thought about what you'd like to do regarding your duties?"

"Not yet."

"Think about it, and let me know. We also have to find another cabin for one of you, there's one down the corridor you can use. Talk to the Quartermaster about sheets and the like. The staff meeting has been moved to 1000 hours, it'll give you some time to get settled. Alright?" 

"Fine, Captain." 

Hoshi-chan nodded, then smiled, looking over Jon's shoulder. 

"Hey, Cap'n. Hoshi. Hoshi-chan." The last name came out softer, almost shyly. 

Hoshi sighed and jumped off the bed. "I'll move into the new cabin. Meet me there so we can divide our things up." She passed by Trip without a second glance.

"Trip." Jon stared at the engineer.

"Just thought I'd come and tell Hoshi-chan...and Hoshi...'bout the change in time for the meetin'."

"I've told them. How is the analysis of the transporter readings coming?"

"Oh, fine...Malcolm's working on one end while I've got another." He glanced over at Hoshi-chan sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for the men to finish. Trip really wanted to walk Hoshi-chan back to her cabin, but he also knew he should be working on the transporter problem.

"May I go now, Captain?" At his affirmative nod, Hoshi-chan slid off the biobed, gasping as her knees buckled slightly. Trip was there in a second to steady her.

"Thank you, Commander. I guess it's all catching up to me." She gave him another melting smile, and he was mesmerized again.

"Captain, would it be alright if the commander helped me to my cabin?"

Jon bit back a grin as Hoshi-chan leaned on Trip's arm. He had only seen the original Hoshi turn on the charm a few times; it looked like this version was a master at it.

"Go ahead, Trip. But don't forget the staff meeting."

"Aye, Cap'n. I won't." Without taking his eyes from Hoshi-chan Trip led her out of Sickbay. Jon sighed, wondering if Hoshi was going to give Malcolm a run for his money.

* * * * *

"How're you feelin', darlin'? Alright?" Trip tucked Hoshi-chan's arm in his as they slowly made their way to her cabin.

"I guess. I still feel a little worn out. And my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. Thanks for walking with me." She squeezed his hand lightly.

"Happy t' oblige." He couldn't stop smiling at her.

"Hoshi! Is it true?" Liz Cutler came running up to the pair. "Where's the other one?" She looked around like Hoshi was hiding behind Trip.

Hoshi-chan sucked in her breath, pulling back from Liz. "I...I think Hoshi is in our cabin."

"How does it feel to have a clone? I'd be **so** freaked out." Liz didn't notice Hoshi-chan's distress, but Trip did.

"Drop it, Cutler. Now is not the time." Pulling on Hoshi-chan's arm, Trip dragged her away from the morbidly curious crewman.

"Trip, you're hurting me." Hoshi-chan was nearly falling over her feet trying to keep up. "Trip!" She finally dug in her heels and her arm slipped through his.

"What?" Trip looked back to see Hoshi-chan rubbing her shoulder. "I'm sorry. You okay?"

"I'm still a bit sore."

"We're close t' your cabin, let me check your shoulder."

Hoshi-chan keyed open her door, slowly walking in as she realized half her things were missing.

"Everything alright?"

'My books, pictures of my family..." She sighed, opening the closet. "And half my clothes." Most of what was left was dresses. Hoshi-chan winced as she closed the door.

"Let me take a look at that shoulder." Trip waited as she lowered the top of her jumpsuit, peeled off her tank. She had taken her bra off early that morning when it was aggravating the particle weapon burn. Slight shivers went through her at the touch of Trip's fingers against her skin.

Trip unconsciously splayed his fingers across Hoshi-chan's back, her smooth skin warm under his hand. His stomach tightened at the dark red lesion. 

"Phlox let you out of Sickbay with this?" 

"I told him I was fine."

"You're not. Why'd you tell him you were?"

"She was fine." 

Trip didn't have to ask who 'she' was. 

"You're not her."

"Yes, I am."

jyorraku

"Hey, what's taking so long?" Hoshi walked into her former quarters and stopped dead as she took in the scene before her.

Hoshi-chan jumped and grasped the remnants of her discarded uniform about her. Trip hastily withdrew his hands and locked them at his sides.

"Whoa."

"This isn't what it looks like-" Trip started to explain.

Hoshi chortled. "Sure. Fine. Whatever." She stared as Hoshi-chan tried harder to hide herself in her uniform. A muscle twitched in her cheek and she said, "Hunka guncha tika noi, likka oy annam. Anavoy kilaku?"

Hoshi-chan gasped at Hoshi's words, her face going up in flames.

"Wha...what was that? What did she...what did you say?" Trip's eyes volleyed back and forth between the two identical women.

A grin grew wide on Hoshi's face as she registered Trip's frustrated confusion. "Oh my God, this is going to be so much fun."

"Hey, now see here--" Trip exclaimed indignantly.

"C'mon Hoshi-chan, zip up. I gather you've got a few things you want back. Let's go see how we're going to split up our things." Hoshi looped her arm around Hoshi-chan's elbow and smirked at the bewildered commander. "See you later, Commander."

Hoshi-chan snuck a look at Trip before stepping out, but when Trip caught her eyes, she ducked away into the shoulder of her counterpart. 

The duo left, leaving Trip wondering just what the heck Hoshi had said to Hoshi-chan.

* * * * * 

"You LIKE him," Hoshi cooed at Hoshi-chan. She fiddled with her doppelganger's uniform collar as they walked down the corridor.

Hoshi-chan nervously pushed her hand away. "So did you, when we were one person!" she shot back, desperately trying to ignore the burn in her cheeks.

"Honey, we liked a lot of people on this ship. The male specimen on this ship is grade A, isn't that right, Professor?"

"He was nice to me!" she protested.

"Nice? Just nice?! Losers are just nice. Winners go home and fuck your brains out. Or has he done that already? It must have been a real fast quickie."

Hoshi-chan tripped and would have fallen headfirst on to the deck if not for Hoshi's quick assistance. Then standing stock still, eyes wide with disbelief, mouth gaping at Hoshi, she managed to gasp like a fish on land, "I...I..I DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT! Or...or...or THINK LIKE THAT! And there was no...no...QUICKIE!"

Hoshi smiled crookedly, leaned in until they were nose to nose, and stared into eyes that were mirror to hers. Her smile faded. "I guess that's one difference between you and me, huh?"

"Ahem."

The women turned to the source of the sound and straightened themselves. Malcolm stood there, looking uncomfortable, as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"Hi, Malcolm," Hoshi-chan said softly.

"Hoshi-chan," he nodded at her, then at Hoshi, "Hoshi."

Hoshi tilted her head to one side and peered up at the armory officer. "Hey," she replied, her voice a low husk.

There was a slight lull in the conversation until Malcolm spoke up again, his words unconsciously directed at the woman who seemed to be in command of team Hoshi. "The staff meeting--"

"We know, Trip told me, no, the Captain told me...us, but Trip came to tell us again..." 

Hoshi rolled her eyes and with a look that effectively shut Hoshi-chan up, she said to the increasingly confused Malcolm, "What she meant to say is, we'll be there."

"All right. See you, that is, both of you, there then." He nodded at them once more before hurrying away. Hoshi stared after him before feeling Hoshi-chan's curious eyes on her.

"What? Do I have something on my face?"

Hoshi-chan grinned. "You like him."

Hoshi frowned at her. "He was nice to me," she replied, matter-of-fact. She blinked as her own words registered, and shot Hoshi-chan an icy glare, daring her to comment.

Hoshi-chan remained wisely silent for the rest of the trek to Hoshi's quarters.

Lizard

* * * * *

Jon watched as his senior staff, except for Hoshi and Hoshi-chan, filed in for the meeting and took their customary seats. After a brief pause they, too, settled in, with Hoshi in her usual seat and Hoshi-chan at the end of the table. He hoped getting Hoshi settled in her new quarters had gone well.

Trip was the first to speak. "I've been studying the transporter readings. I'm not sure how best to explain this, but I'll try and keep it simple. Hoshi was technically out of the scattering perimeter when we beamed her up from the planet. She was at the very edge, though, and some of the effects leaked past the perimeter. It distorted the transporter lock, kinda like it was seeing double. It saw two Hoshis, so it gave us two Hoshis on this end."

"According to Trip, Hoshi and Hoshi-chan should be identical." Jon turned to Phlox. "But you said there were differences in their brain patterns, Doctor."

"Yes. The differences are in the area of the brain that control emotions and personality. The closest example I can think of that you would be familiar with is identical twins. While they may look exactly alike, they have different personalities."

"I thought you said they were the same person?"

"Both ensigns were the same person until the moment the transporter separated them. They are now both Ensign Sato, with her exact DNA. The psychological analysis I conducted shows them to be slightly different. Perhaps Mr. Reed can explain more clearly."

"The commander's analogy of double vision was pretty good, but I'd like to clarify it somewhat. The transporter saw two Hoshis, but they weren't two distinct Hoshis. I guess you could say the image was somewhat blurred in the middle. It gave us two complete Hoshis, but some characteristics came out more strongly in one than the other."

"So Hoshi and Hoshi-chan basically embody slightly different aspects of the same person?"

"That is essentially correct, Captain," Phlox replied.

"Is there any way to...reverse this?"

"What?" "Hold on a minute." "You're going to put us back together without asking us?" The previously silent Hoshi and Hoshi-chan appeared quite irate.

"Relax, Ensigns. We aren't doing anything yet, just exploring the options. We wouldn't think of doing anything without consulting you first. Trip, do you have any ideas?"

"In theory, all we have to do is transport the ensigns, and trick the transporter into thinking that there was only one. It would be the exact opposite of what happened to separate them. Making it actually work is another thing. I certainly wouldn't want to try it without a whole lotta testing first."

"Captain, I think it prudent to mention a difficulty with reintegrating the ensigns."

"Yes, T'Pol."

"Since they have become separated, they ceased to be one person. They will have different experiences and different memories."

"Sort of like Siamese twins when they're separated. So what do we do now?" Trip asked.

"Trip, you, Malcolm, and T'Pol see if you can find a way of putting our twins back together. Consult with Phlox. I'll try and make up a report for Starfleet."

"What about us?"

"Hoshi, you and Hoshi-chan need to think about whether or not you want to be put back together. The decision will ultimately be up to you. Feel free to contact whoever you need to discuss this with. You are all dismissed."

Mara

Jon left immediately, followed by Hoshi and Hoshi-chan, their faces identically bland, obviously thinking about their decision. Phlox and T'Pol excused themselves to head back to Sickbay and consider the medical aspects of possible re-integration, which left Trip and Malcolm avoiding each other's eyes on opposite sides of the table.

Only beeps and clicks broke the tense silence as they consulted the data they'd gathered so far. Trip fought to contain a series of nervous twitches. First, he found himself tapping his fingers on the table. Then, when he'd stopped that, his leg started bouncing up and down. He put both hands on his knees for a moment and concentrated on sitting still.

Satisfied, he went back to studying the records of what the transporter saw just before the moment of transport.

"Commander," Malcolm said in a dangerous tone, "if you don't stop that this instant, I'm going to shove that padd down your throat."

Trip's eyes widened, then he looked down and realized that he was tapping one padd on the table lightly as he read another. He put both padds down and pushed the chair back, almost tipping over. Practically throwing himself out of the chair, Trip started to pace, still unable to look at his friend.

Back and forth. Thinking furiously, pacing, Trip was just about ready to explode. "What the hell are we going to do?" He finally turned and looked at Malcolm, and was startled when the armory officer looked up. His eyes were filled with a pain Trip hadn't seen since the moment they'd thought Enterprise destroyed.

"Our jobs. That's all."

"But if we-"

"I know." Malcolm's lips twisted in sour amusement. "Believe me, I know."

"I mean, we don't even know if they **want** to go back together."

"But if they do, we have no choice."

Trip continued to pace furiously. "What if we convince them to stay separate?"

"How?"

The word fell into the space between them like a black hole, sucking the air and light out of the room in an instant. To convince Hoshi and Hoshi-chan meant...well, it meant going out on a limb. It meant setting themselves up for the kind of rejection Trip could hardly imagine. It was one thing to have a woman say no to a date, and yet another for a woman to say no and cease to exist in any meaningful sense.

If they re-integrated, would the memories still exist? The memories of the connections that were being created between the two of them and the two Hoshis? No way to tell. If so, how would the final Hoshi feel? Would she want one of them, both of them, neither of them?

Trip looked at Malcolm, and was sure his eyes showed the same pain Malcolm's did. "Do our jobs, huh?"

"Find a way to re-integrate her--them--safely. Give them the option. Step back and wait."

"That sucks."

"Eloquent as usual. But accurate."

For a long moment, the two men stared at each other. With careful movements, Trip sat back down at the table and picked up his padd, going back to his notes. He didn't look, but he could hear Malcolm do the same.

The room echoed with the sounds of silence, the unarticulated fears, and the inexpressible emotions. 

* * * * *

continued in part two


	2. Chapter Two

Title: RR: Janus  
Author: jyorakku, Mara, essential phenylalanine, Josephine, Lizard, Chrysa  
E-Mail: For contact info, look under the posting forum at http://judy.jteers.net/cgi-bin/cutecast/cutecast.pl?forum=10&thread=512.

For disclaimer, etc., see part one

Posted By  


jyorraku

"Wait, wait!" Hoshi-chan ran to catch up with Hoshi. She caught her elbow and forced her to stop. "Why are you running?"

Hoshi yanked her elbow back. "Look, I just need to think about this by myself. I don't want you to be in front of me. Things are too confusing as it is. You might want to talk about it first, but I don't, so just leave me alone."

Hoshi-chan bit her lip. "But that's just it. We're dealing with this differently. What if...what if one of us wants to change back and the other doesn't?"

Inhaling sharply, Hoshi grimaced at the sudden new complication. She closed her eyes and exhaled with a hiss. When she opened them, Hoshi-chan was still there. "See?" Hoshi jabbed a finger at her double, "This is why I don't want to talk to you! As if things aren't complicated enough?!" She made a rude sound of frustration and turned away. 

Hoshi-chan watched, forlorn, as Hoshi stalked off at a pace that said 'don't follow'.

* * * * *

The new bed was uncomfortable. She gave up the pretense of sleep. The room was unfamiliar, even the small pieces of personal items that she had retained during the tradeoff felt strange no matter how or where she placed them. Hoshi threw up her hands minutes later. What did it matter? She wasn't even sure how long she was going to be in this room.

She didn't remember ever feeling this restless, this wired, like she wanted to hit something. And the urge wasn't going away, even after an hour of pacing. Reading didn't help either, she couldn't concentrate on the words. Was this one of the differences? Did she get the edginess while Hoshi-chan got that irritating sereneness?

Finally, she gave up the idea of sleep entirely and went to the gym, hoping to work off some of the tension.

It was the beginning of the beta shift. The majority of people were sleeping. The skeletal beta crew were just starting their shifts. The gym should have been empty. It was not.

He was there. There was a powerful grace to his movements as he practiced for each block, attack, and retreat, finding ways to defeat his invisible opponent. 

"Hey."

Malcolm completed his last move, then slowly let his arms fall to his sides. He kept his back to the gym's new arrival. "You should be resting," he said as he reached for a towel.

"Can't. Need a partner?"

He faced her, smiling grimly. "I'm afraid I'm not in a mood to go easy."

Hoshi felt her blood drum in anticipation. She ran her tongue over her teeth and replied, "Then don't. See what I've really got." Her feet moved apart as she bounced lightly on her toes. 

Malcolm remained flat on his feet. He narrowed his eyes, his piercing blue eyes hooded as he contemplated what he was going to do next. Finally, he slid his feet apart and pushed his weight forward. 

An arm shot out, followed by the sweep of a leg.

A block, a roundhouse, a duck, an elbow.

Suddenly, Hoshi cried out and Malcolm stopped abruptly in midmotion. It gave her the few seconds she needed. A sturdy shove and a hook at his unbalanced leg sent him sprawling. Hoshi stood above him as the stars cleared from his eyes. He blinked a couple of times at the woman above him.

"You cheated," he stated flatly.

Hoshi breathed heavily. She grinned at her first clear defeat. Slowly, she bent her knees and watched Malcolm's eyes grow wide as she sat astride him.

"I didn't cheat, I just used what I have to my advantage."

"Hoshi--" he started to say, trying to sit back up.

To his surprise, she shoved him none too lightly back down on the mat. He struggled to keep his expression blank as she leaned in close, nearly settling her entire body on top of his.

"What I have is a very healthy voice. Do you know how it works?"

He shook his head as much of he could in the position he was in. His lungs protested as he tried to keep his breathing even and steady.

"Of course you don't. You don't study linguistics. Well, there's active and passive articulators. The passive being the teeth, the palates, the alveolar ridge...but my favorites are the active articulators." Hoshi paused, letting her index finger trail up his throat as she closed the small distance between them. His breath was coming short and shallow now. "The lips..." she whispered as she brushed her thumb against his lips, and placed her own lips on top of her thumb. "And the tongue," she finished before removing her thumb and letting their lips touch. 

Even as Malcolm registered her lips on his, her tongue pressed against the seam of his mouth. He heard a loud roar behind his ears and didn't exactly remember what happened next, though he vaguely registered the thought that he would never think of linguistics the same way again.

* * * * *

Josephine

Hoshi-chan couldn't sleep either. She kept thinking of Hoshi that morning, as she walked away, refusing to talk. What _if_ one of them wanted to stay and the other wanted to go? They hadn't spoken all day, not after dividing up their duties; Hoshi taking the bridge tasks and the actual talking to aliens that they met, and Hoshi-chan taking the more academic work.

Trip had offered her the use of one of the extra stations in Engineering, since Hoshi was using the communications console; and she had spent an enjoyable day wrapped in cataloging and analyzing the languages they had come across. No captain looking over her shoulder, no angry alien that might blow them up unless she could communicate with them in five seconds. No stress at all.

Unless you counted the numerous times Trip came over to check on her. Hoshi-chan always knew when he was near; a fluttery feeling around her heart heralded his arrival. The attraction was there for her, but she wasn't sure what he felt. Was it enough for her to stay?

Hoshi-chan finally sat up, resigned to being awake. Pulling out her mat, she hoped some yoga would help her relax enough to go to sleep. Rummaging through her drawers, Hoshi-chan realized her counterpart had taken all their workout clothes, with the exception of a worn tank leotard that Hoshi-chan had kept for sentimental reasons. With a sigh, she pulled it on, and was out the door.

Pausing outside the gym doors, she could see Hoshi and Malcolm beginning to spar. Hoshi held her own, each movement backed with confidence and power. Hoshi-chan turned away, knowing it was her that had held their progress back.

She made her way to the observation lounge, empty at this time of night. Sitting cross-legged on her mat, Hoshi-chan sat up straight, concentrating on her breathing. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, turn the head to the right; exhale return to center. Inhale, turn the head to the left; exhale, return to center. Moving through the positions, she limbered up her body, opening the joints. Stir the cauldron, rock the baby. She moved into a spinal twist, a cat-cow, and finally a bow. Hoshi-chan finally felt relaxed, the tension from the past day gone. Settling into a lotus position, she gazed out the window, watching the stars stream by, thinking of her twin and their predicament. 

"Hey Hoshi-chan. Been lookin' for ya." Trip sat down on the floor, facing her. The familiar ache around her heart was back. _So much for yoga_.

"Hello, Trip." The smile was genuine, if pensive.

"What's up?" Trip frowned at the shake of her head. "I know somethin's botherin' you."

"What if one of us wants to go back, but the other doesn't?"

Trip's heart constricted at the question. "You want t' go back? And Hoshi doesn't?"

"I'm not sure. She wouldn't talk about it. I don't think she likes me very much. I'm too...passive for her. I'm the one that's been holding us back. I'm the one who shouldn't be in space. I look at myself and I see this cringing, scared girl who screams at the drop of a dead alien. She's the one who made us stay, who yelled at the Klingon. She doesn't need me, doesn't want me."

"Do NOT sell yourself short!" Trip grabbed hold of Hoshi-chan's shoulders and turned her to him. "Hoshi Sato had enough gumption for the both of you. You are not some shrinking violet." With his thumbs he wiped the tears that were falling down her cheeks. "Hoshi's not all that, you know. Startin' t' get on m' nerves, truth be told." 

"I see her, and she's so confident, and assured...I feel insignificant next to her."

"You've got it in you too, Hoshi-chan. You just have a conscience to temper it." Pausing a moment, Trip pulled her onto his lap and leaned back against a couch. Hoshi-chan stiffened, then relaxed into him. He put his arms around her and she tucked her head under his chin.

"You have nothing t' apologize for, darlin'." The low rumblings of Trip's voice sent shivers down Hoshi-chan's spine, settling into a molten pool low in her belly. She could smell the scent of sandalwood mixed with a touch of engine oil. His words of encouragement ringing in her ears, Hoshi-chan slowly turned her head and placed a soft kiss on the hollow of his throat. 

The hissing intake of his breath made her think she had gone too far, and her new confidence fled as Trip's hand came to cup her cheek, raising her head to his.

Hoshi-chan felt herself trembling slightly as his mouth descended; a sweet, gentle kiss that made her ache for more. She opened her mouth, tongue seeking entry. With a groan, Trip laid her on the floor, trailing kisses down her shoulder as his hand paused at the strap of her leotard.

A soft 'please...' urged him on.

Chrysa

* * * * *

Many long, satisfying hours later Hoshi opened her eyes again and contemplated the man sleeping next to her. Rising up on one elbow, she gently pulled back the sheet and gazed at his back in the dim starlight. A finger traced the scratches across his back and Hoshi shook her head amazed that she had been the cause of them...and the smile that graced Malcolm's mouth as he slept. She'd never been that aggressive in bed but something in her had responded to Malcolm's intensity, taking what he gave and giving it back full measure.

And then some, she thought with a grin of her own.

Slowly she eased away from him and went into the bathroom. She showered, wanting to ease some of the aches and pains of the night's activities away. Hoshi got as far as drying her hair when she glanced back into the mirror and caught sight of the particle burn. Gingerly she touched the edges of it, hissing in pain when her fingers pressed too hard or ventured into still-tender flesh. 

A very real reminder that she was still alive and that another woman just a few doors down had the same wound...the same memories, the same body...that hadn't existed until yesterday.

Or was she the one who hadn't existed until yesterday?

Hoshi sat down on the toilet and put her head in her hands. The restlessness was back, moving through her body like blood. She suddenly wanted to race a car, bungee jump off a bridge, get hammered and start a brawl at some seedy bar. She hadn't felt like this in years. Contrary to what everyone thought, that serenity Hoshi-chan inherited wasn't completely natural. It had been fought for during her youth. As a child prodigy she'd had to grow up fast and act like an adult in most situations. Only later on would she realize how much of her childhood she'd traded in for it, but by then it was too late. She was too restrained to ever completely let go again.

Hoshi looked down at her hands turning them over and over as if she'd never seen them before. So if that serenity was gone...what else had she lost? How much of herself would she have to rediscover? Redefine? Who was she now?

Did she want to go back? 

"Hoshi?" 

Hoshi looked up at Malcolm, his robe hanging loosely on his frame, and saw the concern and fear for her in his eyes. She didn't realize she'd reached out to him until he was kneeling next to her, her hands in his. 

"What is it?" He asked softly, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

What would she lose if she did go back?

"Hold me. Just hold me." She said putting her arms around him and closing her eyes.

* * * * *

Mara

They'd adjourned to Hoshi-chan's room fairly quickly: Trip was many things, but he wasn't an exhibitionist. Now it was the middle of ship's night, and in the lowered lights of her room, Trip lay on his side, looking at the woman beside him.

Her skin was a porcelain so delicate he was almost afraid she would break, made more beautiful by the contrast of her hair, a silken waterfall that framed her face. Trip ran his fingers gently across the dark strands where they lay on the pillow. She murmured in her sleep and shifted a bit, eyelids fluttering.

Hoshi--no, Hoshi-chan, he reminded himself--was so amazing. Why did she always put herself down? Even if she claimed that most of her experiences on Enterprise had happened while she was combined with the other Hoshi, since the split, she'd been so brave, and remarkably calm. Trip wondered if he'd be this cool-headed in the same situation. Probably not. He'd be running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Okay, she'd been a little upset earlier, but that was understandable. Trip looked at the planes of her face, thrown into relief by the light. He didn't care what parts of her she'd given to the other Hoshi, there was no question in his mind that this was the woman he'd fallen in love with. And he'd be damned if he could tell her that. He couldn't let her think he was pressuring her.

Stirring again, Hoshi-chan rolled closer, sighing as she curled up against his chest. Trip took a deep breath, fighting back another surge of arousal. It was time to let her sleep now, even if-

No, he told himself, he couldn't think like that. He had to think positive. Somehow they'd work this out. Hell, maybe they'd never figure out a safe way to put them together and that would...

Trip sat up, his eyes wide. "Oh my god."

"What is it?" Hoshi-chan's eyes were very liquid in the half-light, and she blinked up at him.

He stared down at her, a pain growing in his chest. "I think," he said slowly, "I know how to do it."

"How to..." Hoshi-chan stopped and sat up, clutching the thin sheet to her chest. Her hair fell around her face, and Trip gently pushed it behind her ears. "You know how to put us together."

He nodded. "Maybe. I've gotta run it by Malcolm and everybody before I can be absolutely sure. But I think I'm on the right track, at least."

One hand still held the sheet, the other, fisted, rose to her mouth for a moment. Then, dropping the hand, she took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter. "Then I, we, need to make a decision."

"I don't think you need to make it immediately. I mean, there's no deadline that I know of."

A very small smile crept across her face. "And you think the decision will get **easier** with time?"

"I suppose you're right." He held his breath looking at her. Damn, she was so beautiful and amazing and wonderful and brilliant and he couldn't say any of that to her. "I guess I should get to work on this, then."

She looked at him for a long moment, her face unreadable. Then the hand that held the sheet slowly released it, letting it puddle in her lap. She stroked across his chest, her fingers tickling the hairs. "It's the middle of the night. I'm not in **that** much of a hurry."

* * * * *

Ship's morning came sooner than either might have liked. Hoshi-chan set off to find her twin. "It's time for us to talk...whether she likes it or not." Trip grinned unwillingly. And Hoshi-chan thought that Hoshi had gotten all the backbone. Hah!

An hour later, T'Pol, Phlox, and Malcolm all huddled over viewscreens, while Trip paced back and forth behind them. He couldn't hear anything but clicks and beeps, with an occasional "Hmmm" from Phlox.

"Well?" he asked, when he couldn't stand it any more.

"The data are preliminary," T'Pol began.

"I **know** that, but do you think it'll work?"

T'Pol's lips pursed, but after a few moments of consideration, she said, "Yes, I do believe it will work."

Phlox frowned. "Besides the obvious physical concerns, I'm concerned about the mental health results of re-integrating Ensign Sato. I believe that I need to speak to the two of them before any decisions are made."

Trip sank down into a nearby seat, avoiding Malcolm's eyes.

jyorraku

* * * * *

Hoshi-chan found Hoshi in the gym. She watched her move powerfully across the mat, and had to remind herself what Trip had told her. She deserved to exist as much as Hoshi did. They were just...different.

__

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Hoshi-chan. Maybe you'll start to believe it. She hated this dull fear that drummed in her heart. The fear that made her silent when she knew she should speak. It never used to be this bad.

A sudden gust of air jerked Hoshi-chan out of her reverie. She gasped as she saw a fist coming straight at her face. Stumbling backwards, she threw herself against the wall, bracing for the pain from the impact. It never came.

Hoshi flicked her index finger at Hoshi-chan's nose.

"What do you want?"

"Why did you do that?!"

"Because I can." Hoshi stared at Hoshi-chan's flushed face and smiled toothily. "You know, I never realized I was so limber."

"How does scaring me to death make you limber?"

Hoshi raised an eyebrow at her. "I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about how Malcolm and I fucked like bunnies last night. That limberness." Hoshi waited for the shocked expression to come.

Hoshi-chan clenched her jaw, refusing to be baited again. "I know what you're doing."

"Okay, tell me, Hoshi-chan, queen of all that is Hoshi. What am I doing?"

"You want to show me that you're different from me. That you belong here as much as I do, because we're not the same," Hoshi-chan took a deep breath and gazed into eyes that were so much like hers, "You don't want to feel like you're redundant."

Hoshi stared at her counterpart for a brief second before lifting her hand to stifle a yawn. "Yes, yes, whatever, smartypants. You know both of us so much better than I do-"

Grasping Hoshi's wrist, Hoshi-chan explained in a rush, "You don't understand, I feel like that too. You're braver, stronger, everything I can't seem to be. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Hoshi yanked her wrist back and backed away from Hoshi-chan. "I don't know how you feel, and I don't care. You want to go back together, is that it? Why don't you just cut to the chase then?" Hoshi said, her voice rising.

"No I...I slept with Trip last night!" Hoshi-chan blurted out.

Hoshi looked bored. "What's your point?"

Hoshi-chan blinked at her. "My point is that part of me wants to stay because he's here...for me. Don't you feel the same way? Isn't that why you and Malcolm...?"

Her voice, her soft calm voice, grated on Hoshi's ears. She was just there, talking to her as if they were trying to choose what to have for breakfast, when she felt like she was this close to bouncing off the walls. Why couldn't she just shut up, why did she have to analyze everything? Why did she have to be right? Did that mean that she herself was always wrong? That wasn't fair at all. A small giggle fell out of her lips, and the contradictory words came easily.

"Cut the sentimental crap. I was horny. He was available. Sorry I'm not fitting into your little neat profile for me, Hoshi-chan," Hoshi mocked in a tiny voice.

Their ears caught the sharp intake of breath at the same time. Together, they saw Malcolm standing at the doorway of the gym, his eyes filled with shock, then anguish.

"Malcolm," Hoshi-chan whispered, surprised to find him there. How much did he hear?

Malcolm gave Hoshi a grim smile before turning on his heels and taking off. 

Enough. He had heard enough.

Hoshi saw a flash out of the corner of her eyes and a second later, felt the stinging pain in her cheek. She turned and saw Hoshi-chan's eyes filled with tears, her lips trembling in a stubborn pout as she glared hatefully at her. "You know what? I'm glad I'm not you," she whispered before taking off after Malcolm's footsteps.

Hoshi stared after her. She rubbed her sore cheek with one hand and contemplated what just happened.

"Bitch," she muttered.

The thing was, she was pretty sure she was talking about herself.

Mara

* * * * *

Hoshi-chan paused outside the doorway to the gym, her anger at Hoshi's harsh words cooling quickly. Her first thought had been to run after Malcolm, try to talk to him, convince him that Hoshi hadn't meant what she said. But moments later it occurred to her that might not be a good idea. She turned back, but Hoshi was already pounding away at the sparring dummy, apparently unconcerned by what had happened.

Could she really be certain what her other self thought? If she told Malcolm that Hoshi cared for her, could she be certain it was true? Maybe she should go find Trip and-

Wow, two bad ideas in a row. Maybe it was a trend.

She couldn't face Trip right now. Her face heated as for a moment she remembered the feel of his hand caressing her cheek...and other things. She had been unable to interpret the look on his face when he figured out how to re-integrate them. Was he happy? Sad? Angry? Worried?

An ache began at the base of her skull and lanced its way through her skull to emerge just above her right eye. Hoshi-chan swallowed against the pain, holding back a whimper that wanted to spring from her throat. She took a deep breath and carefully began the walk to Sickbay. Surely Phlox would have something for her headache.

With each step, she ran through the problems in her mind.

No way to know what would happen if they re-integrated. No way to know what would happen if they stayed apart.

If they re-integrated, there was the problem of Trip and Malcolm. If they stayed apart...there was the problem of Trip and Malcolm.

Through the ache in her head, Hoshi-chan still managed a slight smile at that. Ah, the irony.

Malcolm loved Hoshi. Hoshi-chan did not doubt that fact at all, even if her prickly other half did. The look in Malcolm's eyes when Hoshi dismissed their time together was unmistakable.

Which left Trip. Why couldn't she be as certain about him as she was about Malcolm? The time they'd spent together was special, and he seemed to care for her. But every time he looked as if he were going to say something, he drew back. Why?

It wasn't in her to ask. She'd put so much of herself on the line already, she couldn't take that last step. If he didn't love her, where did that leave her? How would she feel if they stayed separate and Hoshi and Malcolm paired off? Could she bear to stay separate and watch her stronger half? Would she always feel like the weaker half? Would they be in competition forever?

All the thinking left her head hurting even more.

She made it through the double doors of Sickbay. Phlox turned at her entrance, a tube of something in his hand. "Ensign? Is something the matter?"

She stopped in her tracks and just looked at him. He managed to look slightly abashed. "My apologies for the poor wording. Is there something **new** the matter?"

She leaned against a biobed, fighting the urge to lie down on it in fetal position and wait for the world to go away. "I have a headache."

"Ah. I believe I can help you with that." Phlox bustled around putting something into a hypospray. Still turned away, he paused. "I am glad you came, I was just planning to contact you and your...counterpart."

Hoshi-chan sighed. "I don't think this is a good time to try and talk to her." Phlox put the hypospray to her neck and she braced for the familiar hiss and pinch. Two slow breaths and whatever he'd given her began to work. A cool breeze swept through her head, pushing the pain ahead of it and leaving her with a slightly numb neck and no pain.

"There may not be much more time for us to speak," Phlox said.

She looked into his concerned face, then rolled her head back and forth a few times, enjoying the lack of pain. "I know, but she's busy at the moment. And I'm not really in the mood to talk to her."

"The time for a decision is approaching, and I would like to speak to both of you before that time arrives, to see if I can provide any assistance." He crossed his arms over his stomach and waited patiently.

Her head felt better, but her heart still ached. "That would be nice. Thank you."

"Please, let's sit down." Phlox led her into his small office, and they sat down. He watched her for a moment, and when she didn't speak, prompted her. "So, have the two of you discussed your options at all?"

"Not really. Every time we get together, we argue."

"I thought that was how human sisters are supposed to behave, especially two who are so very much alike. At least, that was my understanding from the many Earth movies that Crewman Cutler and I have attended."

"What?" Hoshi-chan stared at him in confusion. "Alike? We're totally different."

"Really?" Phlox chuckled. "Perhaps I'm wrong, but I think the differences you see are mainly in approach, not in the fundamentals. Remember, you are both Ensign Hoshi Sato. You may have acquired some slight differences in attitude, but you have the same memories, the same experiences, and--dare I say--the same beliefs."

Hoshi-chan was taken aback. "I hadn't thought about that."

"No, I rather thought you hadn't."

"But that doesn't make my decision any easier."

"Maybe the two of you can consider your options more amicably, however."

"Maybe." She lapsed back into silence, staring at her hands folded in her lap as her mind once again ran over the complications.

"What do you want to do?" Phlox asked after a minute had passed.

She looked back up at him. "I don't know. Does she have some part of me that I need? Can I be happy as I am?"

"Have you been happy at all since you separated?"

Hoshi-chan blushed, looking away for a moment. "I...I suppose so. But what if..." She stopped, not ready to talk about Trip.

"There is someone else involved," Phlox said.

"And I don't know how he feels."

Phlox frowned at her. "Your decision should not be based on the feelings of anyone other than you and your counterpart."

"I know." She rubbed her hands along her legs, concentrating for a moment on the feel of the uniform under her hands. "It's so confusing. We don't know what we've lost by separating."

"Thinking of it as a loss may not be the most constructive approach."

She pondered that, turning it over in her mind and liking the feel of it. "I guess we would be happier if we didn't keep thinking of the other person as having stolen some part of us." She blinked. "That sentence made a lot more sense in my head."

"It is not unnatural or unusual to be confused by your situation." Phlox paused. "Please do not make any decisions in haste. I would deeply regret anything happening to either or both of you because you allowed others to pressure you."

"You're right," Hoshi-chan said. "I need to think. I need some time alone." She stood, and looked at Phlox, who still sat at his desk. "Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about, but a little bit of hope as well."

"You are welcome, Ensign. I wish you well in whatever decision you make, and I am available if you wish to speak more."

Hoshi-chan headed for her quarters, hoping to lock her door and think rather than react.

jyorraku

* * * * *

Jon was looking over the new report from Trip. Phlox, T'Pol, and Malcolm had confirmed the validity of his solution. It should work. Should being the key word. 

Jon sighed. There were no protocols to follow, no precedents to guide him in such a situation. While the old saying is that two heads are better than one, he wasn't really sure this was the case with two Hoshis. They were one person once. Surely there had to be consequences...but he couldn't--

"Bridge to Archer."

"Archer here."

"There's an incoming communication from Starfleet. It's Admiral Forrest, sir."

"Put it on in my ready room." Jon sat down and switched on the screen. The Admiral's face replaced the Starfleet logo.

"Jon."

Jon blinked. He had known Admiral Forrest for a very long time and was familiar with the ways he carried himself on different occasions. This was not going to be good.

"Admiral."

"I'm not going to pussyfoot around this, Jon. I've received your report regarding the situation with your communications officer, Ensign Sato. It's fast becoming a political debate amongst the top brass here in Starfleet."

Jon frowned. "Political debate? I don't understand. This is about Hoshi, Ensign Sato."

Forrest sighed. "Starfleet is young, Jon, but there are still people here determined to not let history repeat itself. This...transporter accident, it's bringing back images of the Eugenics War."

"But this isn't about genetics--"

"I know, but there are too many variables floating around. You've already stated in your report that there are differences between the two Hoshis. It might not be a result of genetic manipulation, but she was never meant to exist that way."

Leaning in close, Jon scrutinized the Admiral. "What are you trying to say, Admiral?"

"Jon, either find a way to put those two back together and we'll forget this ever happened, or bring them both back to Starfleet for observation."

"Observation," Jon repeated slowly. Then, taking a sharp inhale, he forced words out of his clenched jaw, "I'm not taking them back for any kind of **observation**."

Forrest had obviously known this was coming, and had rehearsed his lines. "I'm sorry, Captain. This is out of your hands. Forrest out."

* * * * *

continued in part three


	3. Chapter Three

Title: RR: Janus  
Author: jyorakku, Mara, essential phenylalanine, Josephine, Lizard, Chrysa  
E-Mail: For contact info, look under the posting forum at http://judy.jteers.net/cgi-bin/cutecast/cutecast.pl?forum=10&thread=512.  
  
For disclaimer, etc., see part one.

Posted By  


Josephine

Jon stared at the Starfleet logo on his screen, Forrest's ultimatum running through his head. What a way to start the day, he thought. The door chime rang, and he automatically answered "Come!"

"You sent for me, Captain?" T'Pol entered, coming to stand before the desk.

"Sit down, T'Pol." Jon waited until she had settled herself, then told her what Forrest had decreed. "So it's either put them back together or ship them off to Starfleet for 'observation.' They'll probably be poked and prodded for the rest of their lives."

"The ensigns' situation deserves further scientific study..."

"So you think they should be turned into lab rats?" Jon's tightly controlled voice stopped T'Pol.

"As a scientist I would like to know more about how the ensigns came to be separated, and how they are dealing with the situation. However, they are sentient beings and should have the final say in whatever is done to them."

Nodding, Jon picked up the padd with the specs on reunifying Hoshi and Hoshi-chan. "Are you positive that this will even work?"

"No. There is an 8.377 percent chance that it will not. And that is only factoring in the variables we know about. Technically, the splitting of the ensigns should never have happened, so technically, we should not be able to put them back together. The commander is a competent engineer, however, and seems to have come up with a way to do so."

"I don't like the idea of trying this out on the Hoshis without a...trial run. We can do all the simulations we want, but without actually doing it..."

"All our speculations are for naught, Captain, if the ensigns do not want to go back. We cannot force them to. And as of yet, we do not know their feelings on the matter."

Jon nodded again. "Call them in for a meeting at 1500 hours. Trip and Malcolm too. They'll all need to know about this."

* * * * *

__

Bitch...

Hoshi turned back to the sparring dummy and started in on the defensive moves that Malcolm had showed her. Punching and kicking the form, she tried to rid herself of the frantic, hyper feelings in her and the sight of Malcolm before he turned away. 

She went at it until her muscles burned, her heart pounded, and she was covered in sweat. Falling to the floor, Hoshi trembled with exhaustion; the restlessness was gone, at least for the moment. But she still saw Malcolm and the pain in his eyes, and it echoed the pain in her heart. 

Chrysa

When she felt she could move again, Hoshi slowly rose, showered and left the gym. She wandered the corridors aimlessly. Rubbing her temples tiredly, she wandered into a dimly lit lounge and sat heavily on the couch there.

"If you're looking to scratch an itch I suggest you go elsewhere. I'm busy," Malcolm's voice drifted out of the darkness, his accent sliding down her spine in a way that made her shudder. Hoshi looked around and finally spotted him in a dark corner, the light off a padd illuminating his face. It was an impassive face. The Reed mask was in full effect, hiding his emotions. Even his eyes, the most expressive part of him, were cold and hard.

She hated herself for it. For the way she let Hoshi-chan effortlessly get under her skin. That she responded the way she did, as if she had to contradict Hoshi-chan on everything. Most especially that her need to one-up the other woman had belittled something that had meant so much to her.

And him.

"Malcolm, I-"

"You know, I usually prefer my lovers to be up-front with what they want. That way I know what I'm getting into. I wish you'd told me last night you'd wanted a one-night stand."

She stood, irritated at being interrupted, wanting to get her side of it out. 

"I would have turned you down flat," he continued, stepping towards her, the hurt and anger in him finally finding expression in his words.

"Why? Because I'm not like her? I'm not good enough?" She got up into his face. "Or because I'm not the same Hoshi you knew three days ago?"

"A one-night stand doesn't sit by your bedside all night watching you sleep," he growled. "A one-night stand doesn't sit in the conference room with his stomach tied up in knots because he's afraid that you'll want to reintegrate with your other half and he'll lose what he has with you now. A one-night stand doesn't hold you in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Why do you think I did that?"

"Because you were bored?"

"No, because I'm in love with you!" He shouted back, throwing out his hands in exasperation. "You contrary, snarky pain in the ass!"

She blinked, momentarily stunned at his words.

He mistook her silence for dismay. "Tell me, Hoshi," he said bending towards her, apparently wanting to inflict as much pain on her as possible. "If it hadn't been me, if it had been another man in there, would you have slept with him? How about two men? A man and a woman?"

She didn't even realize she'd moved to strike him until he had one arm locked behind her back and the other arm immobilized around her waist. But, while his hold on her was firm enough to restrain her, he was careful not to hurt her, to bruise her as his words had done. She felt his cheek against her neck, the shudder that went through him as he breathed deeply. Slowly, the arm locked at her back was moved so that he could hold her around the waist, his arms over hers, their fingers entwined. 

"I am not your fuck buddy, Hoshi," he said softly. "I never was and I never will be. I've never wanted that with you. I've always wanted more. The you of last night, the you of three days ago...It makes no difference to me. I love the woman I slept with last night. The one who boldly knocked me down in the gym and the vulnerable woman in my bathroom who let me hold her. It's too bad the illusion was better than the reality."

Hoshi's eyes fell closed as his warmth left her. She followed the sound of his footsteps as they crossed the lounge and she finally found her voice. "She wasn't an illusion," Hoshi managed to whisper. A few heartbeats later, she realized the door was still open. He hadn't left. A small surge of hope shot through her. "It's just..." She sat down on a coffee table and put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry about what you heard in the gym. I get around her and I can't help it. She pushes my buttons and I can't help but respond to it."

"Why?" His voice sounded like it was right next to her, and Hoshi couldn't help peeking out from between her fingers. He'd taken a seat on the couch and was watching her.

"Because now she's everything I'm not and I'm jealous. Calm, cool, collected. I worked hard for that and now it's gone! She can sit still and be perfectly content, while I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin! Because..." She took a deep breath searching for the right words. "I'm afraid," she finally admitted.

Malcolm frowned and leaned forward. "Afraid of what?"

"To go back. I'm afraid that if I go back, I'll lose what I am now." She looked down at herself. "This me will disappear and only she'll remain. That I won't remember how to be like this: confident, assertive." She put a hand to his cheek. "You say you love me. I love you, too. But I'm still trying to figure out who I am in all of this." She leaned forward and put her arms around his neck, resting her cheek against his, and breathing a sigh of relief when his arms snaked around her waist. 

"Let me find out with you."

Hoshi leaned back and looked into his eyes, a smile lighting her face. Before she could respond, the door to the lounge opened and T'Pol looked in. "Good," the Vulcan said. "You two are together. There is a meeting at 1500 hours in the conference room."

"What's it about?" Hoshi asked.

"Starfleet has ordered the captain to put the two Ensign Satos back together or else you must be sent back to Earth for observation."

Josephine

* * * * *

Hoshi-chan sat on her bunk, staring at the flowers Trip had gotten her when Hoshi had moved out. He said they would brighten the empty room up some. Her hand reached out and plucked a daisy from the vase, one by one she pulled the white petals from the yellow disk.

__

He loves me...he loves me not. He loves me...he loves me not. He loves me...

Hoshi-chan's hand stilled as her ears caught a faint, high-pitched noise. 

* * * * *

Trip stood in front of a console in Engineering, looking at, but not really seeing, the diagnostics results in front of him. Nothing flashed red to get his attention, or even yellow as a warning, so his mind wandered reluctantly over the problem of Hoshi-chan, like a sore tooth he just couldn't leave alone.

Their coming together that one last time had been slow and sweet, Trip's heart nearly breaking as he wondered if this was the last time he would be with her. She fit so well against him; not just physically, but in all the important ways that you want the person you spend the rest of your life with to fit, the way the one that you love does. 

And he did want her to stay, and he did love her. He had loved Hoshi-chan for a long time, back when there was only one; however, it wasn't until she had split that he realized it. Was it fair to tell her though? To put that burden on her when she had so many other things pulling and pushing at her right now? If she went back, then he would lose her, yet she would still be there, a constant reminder. 

Once she was back, who would she chose? Him, or Malcolm? Malcolm loved Hoshi too, and Trip had a sinking feeling that she would choose the armory officer over him. Malcolm could offer the original Hoshi everything; the challenges that her confident side needed and the attentiveness that her quieter side required, once he came out of his shell. And Trip? Trip was just a good ol' boy with good intentions. And everyone knows where good intentions get you. The irony of Trip feeling the same way for which he had silently berated Hoshi-chan was lost on him.

Trip's head came up with a snap. Something was off. He moved through Engineering, trying to figure out what it...there: over by the plasma conduits. Trip barely had enough time to get out of the way before the bulkhead exploded, a plasma flare scorching the place he had just been. He was thrown to the deck as the blast washed over him and the internal dampeners struggled to keep ahead of the g-forces as the ship fell out of warp instantaneously. 

Engineers scrambled to put out the fire as Trip shut down relays left and right. When the damage was contained, he made it over to the comm where the captain had been calling him for the past minute.

"I'm here, Cap'n. A conduit blew, same one as last month. I'm gonna have t' look at all the ones in that batch, something tells me an inspector was layin' down on th' job. We're gonna have t' shut down all non-essential sections 'till this is fixed, and there'll be no goin' to' warp 'till it's done."

"All right, Trip, get working on it. I want to see you and Malcolm for lunch though."

"There's a whole lotta work here, Cap'n..."

"Delegate it. That's an order. See you at 1200."

"Aye aye, Cap'n." 

jyorraku

* * * * *

"Commander."

Trip delegated his portion of the repairs to Eddie, and started for the door. Then, as if thinking better of it, walked over to assess the progress of the initial repairs, ignoring the placid Vulcan at his side.

"What is it, T'Pol? I'm kinda busy, got a meeting with the Cap'n in two minutes. Eddie, make sure you take the couplings off line before you take a look at that. And-"

"Commander, I'm sure your crew is quite competent at making the repairs."

Trip was sheepishly bemused. It wasn't as if he didn't want to meet the captain. It was just...why did he feel like he wasn't going to like what Jon was going to say?

"Of course. Should go to the meeting now." The Engineering doors opened with a soft hiss and Trip gestured for T'Pol to go ahead.

T'Pol stepped out, but waited for Trip to start walking before speaking again. "There is a also staff meeting at 1500."

"Damn, all them meetings. I've got a semi-crisis down in Engineering, I-"

T'Pol stopped in her tracks and turned to face Trip. Trip forced himself to pause, wondering just what the heck T'Pol was trying to do, following him around.

"I do not know what it is that the captain wishes to speak to you about. However, I believe you will wish to know the subject of the meeting at 1500."

Trip crossed his arms and waited for her to continue.

"Starfleet has ordered the reintegration of Ensign Sato. Otherwise we shall have to return to Earth and deliver the ensigns for observation."

Trip blinked at her. T'Pol raised her trademark eyebrow, his response was not what she had anticipated.

"WHAT?!"

Ah, a delayed reaction.

* * * * *

"Captain! You can't be serious!" Trip yelled out before the doors fully closed behind him.

Malcolm sat at T'Pol's regular seat at the dinning table. Trip zoomed in on him. "Do you know about this? This observation thing?"

Malcolm's eyes, flat and dull, returned Trip's glare. "I have been briefed," he replied stiffly.

Trip swerved to face Jon. "Captain!"

A muscle on Jon's jaw flexed before he ordered, "Sit down, Commander."

For a moment, Trip wanted to rebel against that command, but he managed a few deep breathes before yanking out a chair and sitting down at the table.

"I see T'Pol has relayed the news," Jon's eyes volleyed between the two men, one who looked like he was going to explode at any minute, and another so tightly strung, that Jon was afraid he would hurt himself if he stayed so tense.

"Captain! You-"

Jon held a hand up. "Let me finish, Trip. Starfleet has given me the order. And as captain, I must obey that order to the best of my abilities. Now, Trip, I understand warp drive is offline. How long is it going to take to repair?"

Trip frowned at the sudden change in subject, but did some quick calculations and replied, "About two days."

"No, Trip, I don't want some slap and paste job. How long is it going to take to **fully** repair the damage?"

Trip stared at Jon for a second before breaking into a face-splitting grin. "Then I'd say about six days, seven if we want to run the full diagnostics."

"All right." That left them some breathing room. Now, Jon sat back in his seat and observed the two men. He remained silent for such a long time that even Malcolm started to squirm under intensity of his scrutiny.

Finally, as if he had the answer he wanted, Jon closed his eyes for a second and sighed before continuing. "I understand the two of you have formed...an attachment to both of the Hoshis. Am I right to assume that you've...acted on that attachment?"

Malcolm eyes met Trip's before they turned back to Jon, both silent.

Jon smiled grimly. "I'll take as a yes." He rubbed a hand across his temple. "I can't believe you two would do something so stupid."

"Sir?" Malcolm asked.

"Whatever their decision may be, it has to be theirs and theirs alone. Now that you've...involved yourselves in their decision, have you thought what would happen if things don't work out? Do you want them to resent you for it? They are the ones that are most directly influenced by the consequences of this decision, and yet the both of you have made this about yourselves. You might not have started out with that intention, but now it doesn't matter, because you have become a factor in their decision. And if the both of you are the only thing keeping Hoshi and Hoshi-chan separate, then I hope to God you're ready for that responsibility."

Trip's eyes went round as he digested the captain's words. The fork in Malcolm's hand was bent at an odd angle.

Jon couldn't bear to watch their reaction. "Under other circumstances, I would have wished either of you two the best of luck and turned a blind eye to the fraternization policy. Hoshi is...more than good enough for that. But this...should have never been about your relationship with them. This is about them, about Hoshi. Period. I guess it's too late for that now."

Swallowing the tight lump in his throat, Malcolm said, "It's not too late."

Trip stared blankly at the armory officer.

"Whatever it is between us and the Hoshis, won't factor into their decision, **if** we show them that we didn't mean anything by what we did," Malcolm was talking to Jon, but his eyes remained locked with the engineer.

A look of horror came to Trip's face. "They'd hate us," he breathed.

"Yes," he said to Trip, and repeated ominously, "They'd hate us."

Josephine

The look of horror stayed on Trip's face as he contemplated hurting Hoshi-chan. _But you're not even sure it did mean anything to her. She might have been competing with Hoshi 'cause she slept with Malcolm..._Jon's voice cut into his thoughts.

"Convincing the Hoshis that your...being together didn't mean anything might work. But we don't want to sway them the opposite way, into going back because they think they mean nothing to you.

"The decision to stay or go has to be up to them, based on how they feel with no other outside influences. How you extricate yourselves from this is up to you. Think about it first. I don't want you going off half-cocked on this, as you did previously."

Jon looked at both men, sending a world of meaning in his gaze. He broke it off as the steward entered.

"Ah, lunch. I'm starved."

The rest of the meal was silent, Trip and Malcolm too wrapped up in their own thoughts to contribute anything to a conversation.

After the dishes had been cleared away, Jon smiled slightly at them. "I'm sure you two have a lot to discuss. I'll see you at 1500 hours." Nodding at them, he left the wardroom.

Trip shifted slightly in his chair, looking up at Malcolm, who was sitting perfectly still.

"Well?" he asked, his drawl thick with stress. "Got any ideas?"

Mara

* * * * *

T'Pol left Commander Tucker before he entered the captain's mess--she had no desire to witness the confrontation that was to come. She ran through the list of things that needed to be accomplished before 1500 hours, and found most were done.

Her steps turned toward the quarters currently occupied by Ensign Sato...the one who had asked to be called Hoshi-chan. She had attempted to contact the ensign previously and had been rebuffed, but time was running short.

T'Pol chimed for entrance, waiting 4.5 seconds (the longest time it took to respond under normal circumstances) before she chimed again. While unwilling to admit to exasperation, T'Pol noted that the duties of a first officer on a human vessel were varied and unusual. She stepped to a communications console and keyed in her override.

"Ensign Sato, it is most vital that I speak to you."

"Sub-commander?" Hoshi-chan's voice squeaked on the last syllable.

"I am outside your quarters. May I come in?"

"Oh, yes, of course you can. I thought...Never mind."

T'Pol stepped into the quarters of Hoshi-chan, nodding in approval at the tidy and uncluttered space.

"Has something happened? I heard noises earlier, but I couldn't figure out what they were. And then we dropped out of warp." Hoshi was standing, but it appeared she had been sitting on the bunk. For some reason, there were flower petals scattered on the blanket.

T'Pol tilted her head and thought for a moment. "There was an explosion in Engineering earlier, in a plasma conduit, and repairs on the warp drive are under way."

T'Pol thought she understood humans, but she could not have predicted what happened next: Hoshi-chan turned white and swayed, nearly falling over.

"Ensign?" She studied the ensign as she helped her sit down in her chair

"How is Trip? Is he..." The whisper was so quiet that even T'Pol's ears could barely pick it up.

"Commander Tucker? He is having lunch with the captain, why do you ask?"

Hoshi-chan's face went from pale to flushed in an instant. It took T'Pol a few moments to recognize the reaction as a blush, and a sign of embarrassment.

"Oh," Hoshi-chan said, covering her face with her hands. "I thought you were here because something had happened to him, that he'd been hurt."

T'Pol thought that was a highly illogical thought process for someone who normally showed every sign of being highly logical, but she was certain this was not the best time to point that out. Undoubtedly the stress of her present situation was causing her to lose her grasp of logic. Very unfortunate. And what she said next was unlikely to assist the ensign in regaining it.

"No, Commander Tucker was unhurt in the explosion. I wished to speak to you before the meeting with the captain at 1500 hours."

Hoshi-chan looked up. "I don't suppose you have any helpful advice to offer."

"No. I thought you should know that Starfleet has contacted the captain. He has been given two choices: re-integrate you and your counterpart, or return you to Earth for observation."

Hoshi-chan simply stared at her for a long moment, and her lips started to twitch in a most alarming fashion. Finally, she said in a strangled voice, "Well, this just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?"

"Pardon me?" T'Pol wondered if she was witnessing a human nervous breakdown. She had never seen one before, and was uncertain how she would know.

Hoshi-chan's lips twitched more and she started to **giggle** of all things. "We've been illustrating Murphy's Law pretty regularly around here, but even for us this is getting to be a bit much, don't you think? What's next? Are we going to be attacked by giant weasels or something?"

"Murphy's Law?" T'Pol grasped on to the one scientific-sounding thing the ensign had said.

Hoshi-chan looked up at her, her giggles turned into outright laughter, and she doubled over. T'Pol stood in place, trying to determine a course of action. Who should she contact?

In that moment of indecision, Hoshi-chan looked up at her and managed to slow her laughter. "I'm okay, Sub-commander. Chalk this up to a release of tension."

Ah, this was something T'Pol understood, and she relaxed.

Hoshi-chan wiped her eyes and sat back in the chair. "I'm sorry for the display of emotion."

"That is quite all right, Ensign. You are in a most unusual situation."

"Yes, I am. Or rather, we are." Hoshi-chan looked thoughtful now. "And so far my twin and I haven't dealt very well with it. I've set out to discuss the situation with her several times, and each time I've been sidetracked. I think it's time that ends."

"An excellent idea. When I last saw her she was with Lieutenant Reed; however, since he is currently eating with Captain Archer, I do not know where she is."

"She was with Malcolm?" Hoshi-chan's eyebrows nearly met her hairline. "Curiouser and curiouser. I wonder if they..." She stopped and blinked up at T'Pol. "Both Trip and Malcolm are eating with the captain? When the warp drive is under repair?"

"Yes. I found that illogical as well."

"Oh, I get it." Hoshi-chan was tapping her fingers on her desk. "Those busybodies are in there talking about us."

"There **are** other issues they could be discussing," T'Pol felt compelled to note.

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

"I am not paranoid, Ensign."

"It's a **saying**, Sub-commander. Never mind." Hoshi-chan stood up. "Thank you very much for informing me. I assume my twin has already been informed?" When T'Pol nodded, she strode toward the door. "Three hours. We've faced tougher deadlines, I suppose."

* * * * *

After Malcolm left her to go meet the captain for lunch, Hoshi stalked restlessly around the ship, avoiding her crewmates. Unsure what to do, she knew she didn't want more exercise, she wasn't hungry, and she didn't want to talk to anyone. The more she walked, the more worked up she became, until she was standing at the door of her quarters, too angry to be in public.

That was where Hoshi-chan eventually found Hoshi, the latter pacing back and forth, muttering furiously and rather profanely in at least five languages. Hoshi-chan's eyes widened at some words she'd forgotten she even knew.

Hoshi whirled as the door opened, and before it even had time to whoosh shut, she was shouting. "Have you **heard**? T'Pol told me. Can you **believe** the nerve?"

"Calm down," Hoshi-chan said.

"Calm **down**? Are you kidding? After everything we've done for Starfleet, they come up-"

"Quiet!"

Hoshi's mouth shut with an audible click and she stared at her twin with obvious amusement and dawning respect in her eyes. "Yes, ma'am."

"Sit down."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Stop that."

Hoshi opened her mouth, but after a warning look from Hoshi-chan, she closed it again and sat in the lone chair.

"We need to talk," Hoshi-chan said, sitting down on the bed.

"Damn it, I don't want to talk, I want to **do** something."

"Too bad. It's time for us to make our decision and we're not leaving here until we do."

"And I thought you were a timid little mouse. Silly me."

The two women stared at each other, with that strange feeling you get when you look at a picture of yourself, as if it were familiar...but not quite. Then they looked away, each one lost in her own thoughts.

Some interminable and uncomfortable time later, Hoshi-chan spoke. "I think...I think we need to go through with it."

"Why?"

"Many reasons. We don't know what will happen to us if we remain separate, perhaps our bodies will begin to break down. I worry about what we lost when our minds diverged. And I have no desire to be a guinea pig for Starfleet's scientists. If someone's going to experiment on us, I'd rather it were our crewmates."

"You're afraid." Hoshi-chan practically snarled the words.

"Aren't you?"

Hoshi's face would have been unreadable to anyone else, but Hoshi-chan knew that she'd scored a hit. Her twin was afraid as well. There was another long pause.

"Kind of damned if we do, damned if we don't," Hoshi said.

"Mm-hmm."

"Well, I'd rather take action than sit around and wait to see what happens."

"I thought you might."

"Ha ha, very funny."

Another long pause. 

"You know, the re-integration might kill us," Hoshi-chan said, forcing the words past the lump in her throat.

"Staying apart might kill us, too. At least if we succeed in re-integrating we'll be alive and we can stay out of the clutches of the scientists."

"Who will we be? Will we remember anything?"

"I don't know." Hoshi put her head in her hands.

"I wish I could talk to Trip about this, but I can't. If I ask his advice, he might feel guilty if we decided to stay apart and something happened."

"I know what you mean." Hoshi's smile was twisted as she looked up. "Malcolm wants to help, but how can I put a decision like this on his shoulders? We've got to do this on our own. Whatever happens if we're put back together, will happen."

"I'm in love with Trip." Hoshi-chan's voice was very small, and she rather expected Hoshi to laugh at her again.

"And I've definitely fallen for our armory officer. I even told him so. He loves me, too." 

Hoshi put her head back in her hands as Hoshi-chan looked at her in surprise at the admission. She'd told Malcolm she loved him? Hoshi really was the braver of the two of them, or the more foolhardy. Hoshi-chan wasn't sure which.

Hoshi continued. "But if we don't reintegrate, Starfleet's gonna lock us up and we're not going to have either of them."

"We really **are** damned if we do and damned if we don't."

"Yeah."

Hoshi-chan felt tears welling in her eyes and she wrapped her arms around herself. Her vision blurred from the tears, she felt the bed shift and Hoshi sit down, pulling her against her shoulder.

Hoshi-chan gave in to the tears, and she sobbed out her frustration, her fear, and her anger on the other woman. When the tears slowed, Hoshi got up for a moment, bringing Hoshi-chan tissues to blow her nose.

"That was kinda weird," Hoshi said.

"Mm. I wonder if people born as twins feel like this, too." Hoshi-chan managed a small smile.

"Well, they get their whole lives to get used to it. We've had a couple of days." Hoshi got up and started to pace again, and this time Hoshi-chan let her, she could see how much the other woman needed to work off excess energy.

"Part of me," Hoshi-chan said slowly, "wants to re-integrate because I want back the strength you have."

"And I want the calm that you have."

Hoshi stopped pacing and they stared at each other. 

"We're going to do it." Hoshi said. It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"We need to...we need to say good-bye to Malcolm and Trip."

"I guess so. If it works, they won't be getting back exactly the same person."

"There's still some time before the meeting. Let's go find 'em and we'll meet back at 1500. We can announce our decision to everyone else then." Hoshi seemed much calmer now that the deciding was done.

Hoshi-chan sighed as they walked out of the room. She really didn't know what she was going to say to Trip, and she was even less certain what his reaction would be.

Josephine

She found him in Engineering, leaning over a screen checking over the repairs for the warp drive with Lieutenant Mitchell. While she waited for him, she looked around at the various crewmen working on the engine. Something seemed off; Hoshi-chan realized they weren't frantically scurrying about like they usually did when the drive was down.

"Ensign."

Startled, she looked up to see Trip standing next to her, his face inscrutable. Those blue eyes of his, usually open and guileless, were now closed and shuttered.

"Trip...Commander. May I speak with you?"

Without a word he turned and moved toward his small office. Closing the door, he sat down behind his desk, motioning Hoshi-chan to a chair. Refusing, she paced the miniscule open space.

"You've decided to go." It was a statement, not a question; given in a flat tone of voice. 

"Yes, we have."

Trip worked hard to stay nonchalant. "Probably for the best, anyway. Really isn't anythin' t' keep you here."

Hoshi-chan shot him a glance under her lashes. "Hoshi has Malcolm..."

"He'll still be there when you're together again. You shouldn't mind too much, there must be somethin' in Malcolm you like for Hoshi t' fall for him."

"Malcolm's a good man." Hoshi-chan's throat had begun to tighten up when out of the corner of her eye she saw Trip's knee slightly bouncing up and down. She surreptitiously watched it as she spoke next. "It would be easy to learn to love him." It bounced faster. "He's kind, considerate, and he loves Hoshi, and I guess by default me, very much." The knee was practically a blur.

__

You do care, Mr. Tucker. Before Hoshi-chan could speak, Trip jumped up.

"Listen, Ensign, I have a lot of repair work t' do on the engines. Is there anythin' else you wanted t' talk t' me about? 'Cause if not..." He let his voice die out.

"About last night..." Hoshi-chan tried not to stare as Trip's hand clenched into a fist, knuckles turning white. 

"I hope you didn't think that it meant anythin'..." Trip answered a little too quickly.

"Of course not." Hoshi shook her head. 

"Then don't give it another thought. I haven't. If that's all?" At Hoshi-chan's nod, he keyed open the door for her. "Good bye, Ensign."

"Good bye, Commander."

* * * * *

Hoshi-chan sat in her cabin, looking at the Starfleet logo on the screen on her desk. She understood why Trip had been so off-hand earlier; not wanting to influence her decision to stay or go. That didn't make it any easier to leave him so casually.

"Computer, begin recording letter to Commander Tucker, to be delivered today at 1530." She and Hoshi had decided to re-integrate right after the meeting. No sense in delaying the inevitable. He should receive the letter after the deed was done.

"My dearest Trip ..."

* * * * *

Mara

Malcolm knelt in an out-of-the-way section of the armory, beside a section of the phase cannon, mindlessly running diagnostics. His subconscious had brought him here, to the one place he felt comfortable, the one place he was totally in control.

He tried to forget the upcoming meeting, the meeting where he would hear if the woman he'd realized he loved was going to...what? Disappear? Die? How could you even describe it?

The padd beeped to remind him he hadn't acknowledged the completed diagnostic. The cannon was, of course, working just fine. Better than fine. His team had installed and tweaked the bloody thing so well, Jupiter Station would be jealous.

He should be proud. Instead, he was mooning about, he thought, completely gormless.

A soft sound behind him almost made him drop the padd: Hoshi's footsteps approaching. He knelt there, head bowed over the padd, barely breathing.

"Malcolm?" she called. 

She sounded edgy, upset, and for a moment he froze in unusual indecision; half of him desperate to hold and soothe her, the other half furious over his raised hopes.

"Malcolm?" 

She sounded annoyed, and he turned and rose. "Hoshi." She was fidgeting a little in the doorway, unable to stand entirely still. He knew what that meant. "You've come to tell me the decision. You and Hoshi-chan are going to go through with it." To his own ears, his voice sounded emotionless, and he wondered what Hoshi heard.

"Yes." She looked down, then back up at him. "I suppose I wanted to tell you before you heard it in the meeting. I wanted to say goodbye."

"Goodbye." Back rigid, hands clasped firmly, but not too firmly, chin up. Grown men don't cry.

Her face crumpled. "Goodbye? That's what I get? Gee thanks, Malcolm, what's next, a brisk handshake? Dismiss me and move on with your life?"

Hold on to the anger. Hold on to it. Be angry at the world. Anger is better than sadness. He wasn't sure if the thoughts were for him or for Hoshi.

"What happened to 'I'm in love with you'?" Her voice rose and took on a British accent.

"What would be the point? The captain has already reprimanded me for being so foolish. And soon..." He couldn't finish, his throat tightening up.

She took a breath, closed her eyes and stood in the doorway for a long moment. He used that moment to study her, her face so like Hoshi-chan, but with that something different about her, that spark of mischief or maybe restlessness; something he couldn't define that differentiated her from her twin, made her the Hoshi he loved.

Her eyes opened and her mouth twisted into a rueful smile. "Maybe it's all for the best. I just keep hurting you, don't I?"

He bowed his head, unable to articulate a response. She came closer, but even when her hand gently caressed his cheek, he didn't look up.

"It's okay, Malcolm. I understand," she said, "and I'm sorry."

The black of his boots against the deck was mesmerizing, and most certainly better than looking into her eyes. The soft sound of her footsteps moved slowly away. "Goodbye, Malcolm. I love you."

"I love you too," he said under his breath.

* * * * *

Hoshi-chan paused the recording for the third time, closing her eyes and swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill over. Her chest felt like an elephant was sitting on her lungs, and her head was pounding again. Too bad there wasn't time to get another shot from the doctor, but this recording had to be done soon. She restarted it.

"It took me a while to understand how you felt. I wish I'd known sooner, but things moved so fast...Trip, I just don't know what's going to happen. I can't tell you how I'm going to feel once I'm no longer me, when Hoshi and I are together again. Maybe I won't even remember the past days, but I wanted you to know that what we had was real.

"Don't forget me. I mean, me, Hoshi-chan. But don't pine away for me, either. I know you, Trip, better than you think I do. You've got a romantic streak in you a light-year wide, and if you took a notion, you'd set me up as the perfect woman, the only woman you could ever love.

"Don't flatter me that much. Move on. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for taking care of me. Goodbye, Trip."

She stopped the recording, and allowed herself to cry for a few minutes, head buried in her hands, knees pulled up to her chin.

Then she washed her face in cold water until it was no longer red, and began to put her quarters in order. She smiled a little at the habit from her childhood: as long as her room was clean, somehow everything else became more bearable.

It was almost 1500. Almost time to face the music.

* * * * *

The gathering in main Engineering looked more like a funeral procession than anything else, Jon thought as he watched everyone trail in. Then he slapped that thought down firmly and tried to be optimistic about the upcoming operation. T'Pol, Phlox and the entire engineering, scientific, and medical team had studied the procedure and approved it, but they were beyond uncharted territory here, into the realm of WAG: Wild Ass Guesses.

The most painful thing was watching how Trip and Malcolm avoided looking at the two Hoshis, who calmly sat, not quite touching, in the middle of the whole mess while everyone bustled around them. Wires ran all around them, to and from various bits of equipment, giving them an appearance much too reminiscent of when the repair station had tried to use Travis as a computer. Jon's fingers itched to pull the wires out and tell the women (the woman?) to not put themselves in more danger, but it wasn't his decision.

It seemed like hours, but it was probably only a few minutes, before T'Pol approved the final connections, looked at him and then the two Hoshis, and said, "We are ready to begin."

"Do it," one said. The other just swallowed and nodded her head.

Trip stood at one console and T'Pol at the other, while Phlox stood by with a full medical kit, ready for any eventuality.

It was surreal, Jon thought, how quiet the whole thing was, a few clicks, an occasional beep, and Trip and T'Pol each monitoring their readings. Hoshi and Hoshi-chan had closed their eyes, and he could see their chests rising and falling rapidly. Everyone else in the room was apparently holding their breath, so the Hoshis' rapid breathing echoed harshly off the deck plating.

Just as Jon started to let out the breath he'd been holding, the quiet was broken by a sound, something like a shriek combined with a pop, then a flash of light that blinded him. Jon blinked his eyes clear, then almost choked. There were still two Hoshis, but now they lay sprawled half off their seats, smoke hovering over their heads, and Phlox and Liz Cutler were running toward them. The two identical faces were identically slack in unconsciousness.

Light-headed, he waved away smoke and said to no one in particular, "What happened?"

T'Pol, her eyes moving between her console and Hoshi, answered. "We failed. The transporter relays could not handle the-"

"Spare me the technical details, Sub-commander. Will they be okay?"

T'Pol watched Phlox for a few moments. "I do not know."

"Damn it!" Jon turned away, unable to look at the scene any longer. "God damnit!" His anger grew and he was ready to shout, until out of the corner of his eye he saw Trip and Malcolm--both obviously in agony, unable to do anything to help.

Trip's face was a study in conflicting emotions, each one chased off in mere moments by the next; his hands clenched and unclenched, and he was visibly shaking.

Malcolm, on the other hand, was absolutely still, and Jon's heart sank. The man was more Vulcan than T'Pol in that moment, his face seemingly made of marble, not a flicker of expression betraying what he was thinking.

But Jon could guess what both men were thinking, and if his guess was even half-right, linguists were not the only potential loss this day.

Damn it, if he couldn't blame them for the current situation, there had to be **someone** he could pound on for this.

Phlox and Liz bustled by with the crewmen carrying Hoshi and Hoshi-chan to Sickbay, trailed by a group of worried engineers.

Jon shook himself all over and followed the crowd.

* * * * *

The door to Sickbay slid open and Jon blinked back a painful sense of déjà vu at the scene before him: Trip and Malcolm each hovering over a bed containing Hoshi, Phlox trying to work while a seeming horde of concerned crew got in his way. But this time, Hoshi and Hoshi-chan were firmly unconscious.

Time to play my part in this farce, Jon thought. "Out! Everybody out!" Nobody argued with him and he wondered a bit just how pissed he looked. T'Pol was the last to leave, glancing back at Trip and Malcolm, but apparently deciding not to say anything about their presence.

She paused in front of him, and he looked her square in the face, allowing his anguish to show for a moment. She nodded once and slowly reached for the button to open the door. "Contact me if there is anything I can do," she finally said. The very human phrase sounded stilted on her lips--and Jon wondered where she'd learned it--but she wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it.

"I will," he said, and she left.

Trip and Malcolm hadn't even bothered to look up while everyone was leaving, and Jon wasn't entirely certain they'd even heard him shout. He found himself moving slowly toward the two biobeds, drawn by an almost masochistic impulse to look at Hoshi and Hoshi-chan. They were so still, all the animation that made up their personalities--and for the first time Jon allowed himself to realize they really **were** two people--completely missing.

Every time Phlox moved, Jon wanted to shout at him to hurry up, to make them better, to **fix this.**

An eternity later, Phlox turned from his machines and cleared his throat. **That** got Trip and Malcolm's attention, and they looked up from the biobeds for the first time. The pain in their eyes made Jon's throat tight with fear.

"I'm afraid the news is mixed, gentlemen," Phlox said. "That they are alive at all can only be considered good news, but the failed reintegration has severely shocked their systems."

"Are they gonna die?" Trip's voice sounded strangled.

"It is difficult to say. There is no record of an incident like this in the medical records--the transporters are just too new. The Sub-commander has gone to query the Vulcans, to see if they have any useful data."

"What's wrong with them?" Malcolm asked.

Phlox looked at Hoshi and Hoshi-chan. "It appears to be a form of allergic reaction. Their bodies are reacting as if they were invaded by a foreign substance."

Jon stared at him. "But you said they were identical."

"They are, Captain, in every way that I could determine. But it seems that they do not agree. They rejected each other."

"What would have happened if the transporter relays hadn't blown?" Trip's voice rose.

Phlox hesitated. "It is possible that they would have adjusted. Or they might have died immediately."

"What now?" Jon asked.

"If I am correct and they are in anaphylactic shock, then it should be eminently treatable. But this is more complicated than an insect bite or Lieutenant Reed's allergies. I simply cannot say for certain until I have had more time to watch them. They are stable for now, but unconscious."

Trip turned to look at Jon. "But even if they're okay, Starfleet's gonna turn 'em into lab rats, Cap'n!"

Jon's face suddenly lit with a fierce grin. If his communications officers survived this experience, they were going to stay right where they belonged. He'd finally found someone he could pound, and by god, he was going to pound on Starfleet until they cried for mercy. 

Filled with the fire of righteousness, Jon stomped his way to the bridge, hapless crewmen scattering in his wake. Halfway to his ready room, he opened his mouth to tell Hoshi to get Starfleet on the comm.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned and glared across the bridge at the poor ensign sitting in Hoshi's spot, who looked like a trapped animal. "Get me Admiral Forrest. Now. I don't care if he's in a meeting with the entire Vulcan delegation, get him." Without waiting for an answer, he stomped his way off the bridge, hearing a terrified "yes, sir" behind him.

Jon stared at the screen in his ready room and tried to control his breathing; he felt as if he'd run a marathon, heart pounding, vision graying a bit.

Finally: "Admiral Forrest on the line now, sir."

"Put him through."

The Admiral looked the same as always, and Jon fought down the urge to punch the screen. 

"Is something wrong, Jon? Has Ensign Sato made a decision?"

Jon clenched his fists. "Yes, sir, **they** made a decision. Thanks to Starfleet railroading them, they decided to attempt the reintegration rather than become guinea pigs. And now they're lying in Sickbay, with the doctor uncertain if they're going to live. I may lose not one but **two** linguists, and the two damn best linguists in Starfleet!" Not to mention the best engineer and best armory officer, but there was no way he was going to tell the admiral that.

"That's...unfortunate."

"Unfortunate!" Jon lost whatever semblance of calm he'd had. "It's easy for you to sit back there on Earth and say it's unfortunate, but I'm the one who had to tell Hoshi your decision. I'm the one who stood there while we nearly killed two women who were out here doing their best for Starfleet."

"Jon, I-"

"Through no fault of their own, they were split in two and instead of providing support and guidance in a difficult moment, all Starfleet could think of was the possible political ramifications. What, were you afraid this might annoy the Vulcans? Bother a few idiot politicians?"

"Jon!"

His breathing ragged, he came to a stop, distantly realizing he'd been yelling at his superior officer, but he didn't give a damn.

Admiral Forrest looked as if he couldn't decide whether to be angry or worried. "What **happened**?"

"The reintegration began, but the transporter relays blew and the shock knocked them both out. But the doctor thinks that the reintegration wouldn't have finished anyway, he says their bodies were rejecting each other. We nearly killed them."

"Damn." Forrest looked away from the screen. "Jon, I'm going to forget about your little outburst, because I know how hard this must be for you. You brought Ensign Sato on board and-"

"Sir, with all due respect, I'm not worried about my career, I'm worried about my crew. It's my job to protect them, to take care of them, and I failed. Ensign Sato, excuse me, the Ensigns Sato, are not going to leave this ship against their will while I'm its captain. If you choose to remove me, I will recommend the same to my replacement. Then I will contact the people of Earth, and the assembled crews of Starfleet, and tell them what happened."

"You're not exactly making this easy."

Jon just watched him, seeing the play of expression. He'd known Admiral Forrest a long time, and he could guess at the thoughts running through his head, imagining the fuss an angry ex-Captain Archer could cause--not to mention the sympathetic picture of two Hoshi Satos.

"I can't make this decision on my own," he said finally.

Jon crossed his arm and just stared.

"I'll consult with the brass and get back to you."

"Yes, sir." Even knowing that was the best result he could expect, the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. He stared at the screen as it blanked to the usual logo, momentarily vacillating on his chosen course of action. It really could cost him his career. The vision of Hoshi and Hoshi-chan lying on the biobeds rose up and he took a deep breath, tapping the comm button.

"Get me Admiral Leonard. Then Admiral Ramirez. In fact, get me every damn Admiral on the Council."

"Aye, sir."

* * * * *

Phlox divided his attention between studying the monitors for Hoshi and Hoshi-chan and keeping an eye on their two attendants--Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed looked almost as unhealthy as the two women they hovered over. Meanwhile, he continued to wrack his brain for another approach to take.

They were not getting any worse, but neither were they getting any better, and that was simply unacceptable. The epinephrine, corticosteroids, and Dagallian beetle syrup he'd dosed them with **had** stabilized them, so apparently his guess (and internally he admitted it was a guess) had been correct. They had been rejecting the reintegration, their bodies or their minds reacting as if they'd been invaded by a foreign substance.

He looked up sharply from his computer and looked at Hoshi and Hoshi-chan. If it wasn't physical, perhaps it was psychological? True, he held a degree in psychiatry, but that was by no means his specialty, especially interspecies psychiatry. Diagnosing sexual frustration, a bit of homesickness, depression, these were well within his abilities, but how a human would react to being split apart and then forced back together?

Phlox felt a surge of guilt at approving the procedure, a feeling that he should have known this would happen. Ruthlessly, he suppressed the guilt, it would only stand in the way of curing his patients, and **that** was the only thing that mattered right now. 

If they were, in fact, refusing to wake up for psychological reasons, there was little he could do except keep their bodies alive--the first step of which was not going to be popular at all.

He walked toward the biobeds, and Trip and Malcolm looked up, hope in their eyes. "Commander, Lieutenant, I will need your assistance."

"Anything, Doc."

Phlox looked at Commander Tucker for a moment. "Since they have been unconscious for several hours, for their health, I must assume that they will remain so for some time. We must take steps to keep their bodies healthy."

"Steps? What kind of steps?" Lieutenant Reed looked as if he was ready to fling himself between Ensign Sato and any danger, and Phlox sighed.

"We must provide physical stimulation to their bodies, to ensure that no atrophy occurs. That stimulation has, on some occasions, triggered an awakening in patients with no underlying physical symptoms."

Tucker's eyes focused sharply on Phlox at that. "No physical symptoms? You mean they're shamming or something?"

"Of course not. However, they have been under a great deal of strain, and it is possible they are simply not struggling to awaken. We cannot allow that. In addition to the physical activity, I would recommend that each of you speak to them, explain to them that they should wake up. Meanwhile, I will make the physical arrangements. I should warn you that it will not be...attractive." 

Without waiting for a response, Phlox turned to his medical supplies, already mentally cataloguing what he would need. Behind him, he could hear Tucker's voice. "Darlin', I guess Phlox thinks you might be able to hear us, so...I got your message, and..."

* * * * *

Deep into ship's night, Phlox stood once again between the biobeds. The monitors showed no change, and his two volunteer attendants had fallen asleep in chairs next to the biobeds, exhausted both physically and mentally.

As he'd expected, both Tucker and Reed had been deeply disturbed by the physical stimulation. Wires hooked to both mind and body relayed pulses, causing a jerking motion in Hoshi and Hoshi-chan's muscles. Unfortunately, it looked as if they were suffering from constant seizures, and they had to be tied to the biobeds.

Phlox had completed every single maintenance task he could think of, had tidied his work area three times, and fed every animal and plant that he possibly could. Which left him watching the four people in Sickbay.

If either or both ensigns died, it would need the efforts of more than an alien with a degree in psychiatry to handle the reactions on this ship, from its captain down to the merest crewman. The first two deaths of the mission, and in such an ignominious fashion, would hit hard. It might be worse, though, if they slipped from a coma into a persistent vegetative state.

Phlox was startled out of his reverie by the first change in the monitors he'd seen in several hours. Hoshi's biobed beeped to get his attention and both Tucker and Reed jumped out of their chairs in alarm.

"What's wrong? What's happening?" Reed yelled.

Staring intently at the monitor, Phlox had to check the readings twice to be certain, before breaking into a wide grin. "I believe that Ensign Sato is showing definite signs of awakening!"

Phlox turned off the physical stimulators and Hoshi's eyelids flickered. Reed stared down at her, his eyes very wide.

* * * * *

Jon paced back and forth in his ready room, counting the steps compulsively in an effort to not worry. He was remarkably unsuccessful.

Fortunately for the sanity of the bridge crew, he successfully resisted the urge to comm the bridge every five minutes and ask if Starfleet had contacted him yet. In fact, after spending a few minutes on the bridge peering over the shoulders of the crew, he retreated back to his ready room in order to stop disturbing them.

Assuming he would be of even less assistance in Sickbay, he paced. And he counted.

When the door chimed, he turned so fast, he rammed his head into the strut protruding from the ceiling. "Yes," he managed to get out.

T'Pol stepped through. Her mouth opened, but Jon was destined to never learn what she was about to say, as his comm beeped.

"Captain, this is Doctor Phlox, please report to Sickbay immediately."

"On my way." Jon jumped toward the door, but only took one step before the comm beeped again.

"Captain, Admiral Forrest is on the line."

Jon looked at T'Pol. She nodded. "I will join the doctor in Sickbay." And she was gone.

"Put the Admiral through, Ensign."

A few moments of silence, then: "Well, Jon, you've certainly been busy, haven't you?"

* * * * *

When Jon slammed through the door to Sickbay fifteen minutes later, he was surprised at how calm everything was. His eyebrows shot up at the sight of Hoshi in Malcolm's lap, the latter's arms curved around her. Phlox was bent over an unmoving Hoshi-chan, and for once, Jon couldn't read the expression on Trip's face.

The doctor somehow heard the movement behind him and turned. Jon flinched slightly at that wide grin that always made his jaws ache, then his eyes shot to the woman still on the biobed.

"Hoshi-chan? Is she..."

"I have every reason to believe she will be fine, Captain." Phlox's grin became impossibly wider. "She is simply taking a little longer to recover."

Trip's head lifted slowly, as he realized who had come in. "She looked at me, Cap'n. She opened her eyes, and she recognized me."

Jon wanted to sag against the wall and sit there for a few days, but he still had news to deliver. T'Pol spoke from her position next to the doctor. "Has Starfleet made its decision yet?"

All eyes, even Hoshi's, turned toward him. Phlox seemed unconcerned about the possible effect of the news on his two patients, so Jon took a deep breath.

"Admiral Forrest informs me that both Ensigns Sato will retain their current positions as communications officers and linguists aboard the Enterprise. They are asking for a full report on the accident that led to this situation, but the requirement to return to Earth for 'observation' has been rescinded."

Trip whooped and jumped around T'Pol and Phlox to lean over Hoshi-chan. "D'you hear that, darlin'? You're staying right here!"

Malcolm and Hoshi looked up at him--the former only showing the relief in his eyes, the latter managing a weak grin. "Thank you, Captain."

"You're welcome, Hoshi."

Phlox resumed bustling about the two ensigns, dragging Hoshi back onto the biobed for further examination, and Jon retreated to lean wearily against a wall and observe.

T'Pol stepped over to stand next to him. "Will you tell them the efforts you went to in order to achieve this result?"

"What?" He looked at her, calm face tilted in mild inquiry. "How do you know-"

"I was contacted by several members of the Vulcan delegation with urgent queries about a disturbance at Starfleet headquarters, reportedly involving Enterprise. Since I am unaware of any other controversial issues involving this ship, I surmised that you had been in contact with Starfleet Command. Based on your previous statements and actions, I doubted you would be willing to hand over Ensign Sato."

"Very logical, Sub-commander."

"Thank you, Captain."

He watched the five other people in Sickbay, Hoshi-chan lifting a hand and sitting up with some assistance. "I feel responsible," he said finally.

"You could not have predicted that the mission that caused Ensign Sato to be transported-"

"Not for that. I feel responsible for pressuring them to reintegrate. I was so busy chewing out Trip and Malcolm that I didn't see how much I wanted to solve this problem by having one comm officer again." He grinned. "Not that their behavior was that great, but I wasn't much better."

"Is the outcome satisfactory?"

"Are you asking if everything turned out okay?"

"If you like."

Jon watched the joy on Trip's face as Hoshi-chan turned to look at him. Slowly, he felt all of his tensed muscles relax, as he realized the worst was over. "Well, we've certainly had unhappier endings."

* * * * *

Epilogue One:

It took two more days before Phlox allowed Hoshi and Hoshi-chan to leave Sickbay. Trip and Malcolm managed to tear themselves away long enough to work their regular shifts, but both appeared on the doorstep when it was time to take the women away. Phlox was grinning, and Trip suspected he was taking notes, but couldn't find it in his heart to care. All that mattered was Hoshi-chan: the way she looked, how much clearer her speech was, the improved motor coordination.

He wanted to carry her back to her quarters, but she refused as she pinned her hair up in its normal severe style. "I want to walk, even if it takes me all afternoon."

"Are you sure you're not really the other Hoshi?" Trip teased, and both looked across the room, where Malcolm was glaring at Hoshi. "No, looks like she's even more stubborn than you are. What's up with them, anyway?"

Hoshi-chan leaned over and whispered in his ear. "I think he wants her to move into his quarters, but she refused."

Trip's eyebrows shot up, then he grinned. "Oh, they're gonna be fun to watch, aren't they?"

"And what makes you think I'm going to be any easier to deal with?" she asked, a smile hovering over her lips.

"Nothing, darlin', and I wouldn't have it any other way." Trip gently kissed her forehead. "I let you go once, and that's one too many times."

"Yes, about that. We really need to discuss self-sacrificing tendencies in certain chief engineers..."

"Only if I get to introduce a certain letter explaining why I should go on with my life without you." Trip grinned harder as she blushed slightly under his regard.

"Oh."

"'Oh' is right. How about if we just announce that we were both wrong and we start over."

"That sounds nice," she said, and he leaned forward to kiss her.

Everything's gonna be okay, Trip thought as their lips touched.

* * * * *

Epilogue Two:

"Damn it, Hoshi, you are the most stubborn, pig-headed-"

"I thought that's why you love me," she said, her face covered in an angelic smile. 

Malcolm's only response was to grit his teeth, and she continued to smile up at him as she pinned her hair into a much looser version of the normal ponytail. 

He took several deep breaths, then tried again. "I don't understand."

"Obviously."

Malcolm soldiered on in the face of snarky opposition. "After everything we went through, I thought we'd worked this out."

She sobered, and looked down at her hands. "Malcolm, everything moved so fast. I haven't had a chance to figure out who I am separate from Hoshi-chan, let alone what my relationship to you really means."

Malcolm looked down at the floor. "Fine. Well, I'll just let you get on with-"

"You idiot," she said, tipping his head up with her fingers. "I'm sorry I keep hurting you, but this time you're just not listening to me. I'm not rejecting you, I'm just not ready to move into your quarters. I want some time on my own. I still love you, my darling idiot."

A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth at her words and her answering smile made his heart sing. He leaned forward to wipe the smile off with a kiss.

Everything will be fine, Malcolm thought as their lips touched.

* * * * *

The End


End file.
